so i got up this morning and what do you know, i caught the horrible sore throat that everyone is getting. plus i got my period (funny how it always comes at the absolute worst times, like right before your birthday pool party, or right before a long road trip) and it was HEAVY. very heavy. and yes, cramps and sick-feeling galore.

despite this, i somehow managed to push through πŸ™‚ and get up at the early wee hours, like at 5 30 to get ready and get to my friends house so she could take us there, but we ended up getting there about half and hour early of the 1 hr early we were supposed to be there. so since i wasn’t prepared AT ALL, i spent the whole time prepping and cutting out our disads and my 1AC.

oh yes and i now am pretty sure the really quiet kid has a crush on me. after each of my rounds he went to find me and ask how i did, (and not my partner, too, just me) and then wish me luck on my next round. awwwww so sweet. but no.

so our first round we were both clueless but i think we did just fine. we ended up losing (when that team got 1st place, which is ridiculous because they weren’t even that good. and I’m not just saying that cuz I’m bitter, its because they HONESTLY weren’t that great. I’m not saying they were bad, we debated way better teams in our later rounds, in fact, i would say they were the worst!)

but ANYWAY, we were neg and they ran SBSP. we didn’t run a counter plan the whole day cuz we just don’t think we can handle it. yah. so one of the speakers was really convincing and made decent arguments. the other speaker was kind of boring and awful and didn’t do very good. but it was a lay judge who didn’t understand that you CAN bring new evidence in the 1NR (cuz of the neg block), but whatevs

next round (btw, there is NO TIME to eat or pee or do anything between rounds) we were aft, which is my favorite. I’m the 1AC, so i just read my prewritten speech all eloquently and then i have practically the entire debate to prep :). we had a lay judge who kept nodding at everything i said and shaking her head at the other team and we were all eloquent and stuff and our arguments were really good (and their disads made no sense and were awful, plus they dropped a ton of stuff). so I’m pretty sure we won that one. the girl was super eloquent and a great speaker, she dramatized everything and was supa good at telling stories. great for lay judges. the guy had a flat voice and stumbled all over himself.

the third round was against the best team that had gotten to finals at this big tournament. we were al scared. we got a flow judge this time, it was a student of policy debate so he knew exactly what he was talking about. we were aft, so i read my 1AC eloquently and added in some cards to it since i could talk faster with this guy. it was hilarious because he was so casual, just sitting in the back and checking his fb and eating tacos and noodles. but yeah. so i finish and sit down, and they get up and run 4 DISADS!!!! ahhh! 4 disads? so we panicked cuz he was a really, really good speaker and he talked fast and was SUPA eloquent (and not bad-looking)(later on the way out, we were talking and he said that he thought he stuttered a lot) so emily got up and made some great arguments, turning their case and everything. cross ex went awfully, i ran out of questions in the first minute and a half, and just shuffled papers for the rest. the other girl got up and she stuttered a LOT, but she read fast and fine.

in the end, they ending up losing all their disads cause we are boss like that and they sort of lost control cuz 4 disads? in novice? that is just too much too handle.
they did good on case, though.

so since the judge was flow, he gave us tons of advice on what we messed up on, what we did good, and what we should work on. then he disclosed, and we WON!!!!! which is odd because i thought we had lost, but the judge saw a bunch of arguments and the theories behind it that we didn’t even fully understand so thats all good.

then we had a break, where everyone oohed and aaahed at us winning that round. Crush V was teasing me about how my food is always gross, but i let him try some and he liked it. plus we TALKED. yesss….he has great eyes.

our 4th round we hit these asian guys who didn’t disclose their aft, and they were all antisocial about it too. then they got up there and SPREAD. we were panicking so muchD! they went paper, too, so we couldn’t follow along, we had to read their evidence afterwards.

the judge was flow and a policy student, and he was really nice. we were neg and i was super confused because i didn’t understand what they were even running until halfway through the entire debate, i did a great cross ex though. afterwards, the judge told us everything we did wrong and right. apparently both sides disappointed him on some things, and on others we did really good. we were confident in there, but later we figured that we lost. it doesn’t really matter, though, because we got tons of advice from the judge.

i was going to head straight to soccer afterwards, but the rounds ended late so there was no point going. so i went to awards and we got 8th team out of 12th, which is a lot better than i thought. the best team got 3rd (which is cuz of us, of course, since they lost to us.) our friends got 2nd and i already said who got first. our school in general came in 3rd. Crush V placed 4th and Quiet kid placed 6th. (btw, crush v friended me one fb. kind of. i sent the request and he accepted! :))


we went home afterwards, (i fell asleep in the car, i pretty much lost my voice, and my cramps are still going on) but in all i had a ton of fun and i might actually end up liking policy debate πŸ™‚

but i got invited to this halloween party,and i invited my friends to come with, but she couldn’t go last minute because she got injured. so i decided to stay home because a) i would have to go alone, when i only know one person there, the host and b) i am sick, i lost my voice, and it hurts to talk.

so thats it. I’m going to bed early so my mom doesn’t kill me ‘you’re trashing your health’ [eye roll]


fun fun

im gunna start out with the regular school day

well 2nd went uneventfully, crush A is done, over, nothing.

4th went fine, silly debates and i think we won but the varsity judge didn’t tell us 😦

lunch went fun, and not so fun. i kind of gave away my lifelong secret of my family problems, and to a person that i didn’t really want to tell because i just know it will be all over soon.

6th went fine, too, literally fell asleep from a combination of boredom, exhaustion, and also something in that class just makes me sleepy.

picked up the thing we made when we hung out yesterday, then rushed to the car , where a family friend was waiting. her husband got in a motorcycle accident (ah!) but he’s relatively fine, at least compared to what would have happened.

so she drove me to piano, piano went fine, my dad picked me up. got home, changed, went to this band party someone planned. actually fun. there was a costume contest, which we lost miserably, and some games, and the world series was playing and i rooted for the texas rangers. they lost, obvi. then we watched a movie.

but no that is not the important part. the important part is that i have a new crush!

you may know him as PGF T, but now he has been promoted to Crush T πŸ™‚

so cute and nice and he just might….

just maybe…

likes me back!

we were sitting on the coach and he sat next to this girl, and then he got up again and squeezed into the seat next to me! then he talked to me and only me the whole time haha…..

and then crush O invited me to a movie (casually, in a group), which annoyingly was on a day i couldn’t go…. :(((((((((((((((((”

well g2g getting up early for a tournament


just before friday. its my favorite day of the week. because i have band πŸ™‚

i am now pretty sure i am friends with everyone in my section, but sadly i think some poor nerds have a crush on me. its really my fault. I’m just to nice to people like that.

well band rehearsal went really well, and i walked down with Guyfriend R and all was well. our section hung out afterwards for this thing we are making, and that was pretty fun with lost of fun casual banter :). i talked with crush O and crush R and everyone else was there too! pretty fun and Crush R remembered on eof my pet peeves and deliberately avoided it, plus we were all laughing….just good times. and i decided to help out on one and i was all ‘oh no I’m going to mess up! and they were all ‘no pressure sarcastically!’. oh haha.

anywwwwwhoooo, 1st went well, took i test and i think i got an A, 3rd went weird, 3rd was ok. its always awkward in there because i don’t really like the people in there, so its like i have two personalities because later when i am with friends I’m outgoing, and in there i seem bored and sarcastic. just a thought. I’m different around everyone, even just difference groups of friends….

5th went great i got a magic bar from my friend πŸ™‚ and our table is bonding now with the guy who used to talk awkwardly with his friends. and later he found out i was a freshman and he was so surprised…honestly i act and look like a typical freshman but I’m still flattered…..although I’m pretty hyper in that class.

then band πŸ™‚

then sectional hang out πŸ™‚

then i rushed out early 😦 and went to soccer…we picked up my bros teammate on the way and since my bro is injured it was just me and him and my dad, and i thought it would majorly awkward because i used to have a secret crush on him. well it wasn’t in fact it was pleasant, cuz he is just a friendly nice kid. went to soccer and felt left out because of THAT GIRL who i pretend to like, (and arg she’s spending halloween with me and my friends, which is annoying because that basically means my night is ruined), but it worked out later. we just sat around.

after everyone left, i was there waiting for the guys team to finish, i was pretending to be really interested in my iPod and i got into the perfect casually-gorgeous-i-dont-care position and then…..the lights went off. nobody got to see it. ugh. and then i put in my headphones just-so so they could come and be all, ok, lets go, and i could be like ‘what? oh, yes, i wasn’t watching you.’. haha I’m so weird. but in my defense, i have had or have crush on like 3 guys on that team, and the rest i sort of know from school.

the ride back was pleasant too, and i had to do homework.

in fact, i should probably go do that now.

just fineeeeee

well i got to bed late last night but its ok because we had another late start! i got to school and was all hyper….had a fun time. saw an old best friend that never hangs out with us anymore and i just knocked her over with a huge hug πŸ™‚

in 4th i had my second debate actually about the space exploration! i have to say my partner is better than me and that makes me really insecure about debate…crush V was watching and he was all, ‘don’t worry i hate that aft too :)’. of course i brushed it off with an ‘ok……’ but i was secretly rejoicing inside!

well we didn’t do too weel but thats ok πŸ™‚

lunch went fine, talked to a few friends and made some more plans and planted more seeds. i have this fear of having nothing to do on the weekends….it makes me feel as if i have no life ha.

so english we just wrote an in-class essay the entire time, and i finished early and that just happened to be the one day where i forgot to bring my iPod there goes half an hour of reorganizing my binder….

got home and now i gotta go to my mom’s office for this check up thing..

quick thing of ysterday

well this computer im using is so slow it is almost freezing when i type so just going to combine two posts wo i dont have to wait in agonizing pain as the computer loads this page…

yesterday (monday) was just fine, Crush A is starting to become more social, but he has made friends with this creepy guy in the class thats always really outwardly preaching to everyone in the class. i mean, im christian too, but you are not even supposed to talk about that in class and he brings the bible and just preaches?????

anyhooooo, apparenty Crush A lives in my old neiborhood and owns 3 horses. hmmm….lucky. i loved horses.

in debate i had my first real debate about that actual topic of space development. it went ok, but we got so confused that we only got through the constructives before class ended.

and in 6th nothing really happened.

when i got home i worked my butt off doing homework so i could go to runway. im thinking of quitting runway since im not tall enough. but i went this time because i wanted to show off this amazing trench coat i got really cheap! they loved it, but the teacher J didnt say anything. it makes me sad, because i used to be his favorite student, or at least the one he had the most faith and hopes for. he thought i had so much potentiol, but when he helped me apply to an agency and they didnt take me, he just gave up and now he has a different favorite. maybe thats why i want to quit, too.


and today the schol had a late start, so i got to sleep in a bit. i also thought it was going to be extremely cold, so i got all bundled up in a scarf and jacket and boots, and viola! its nice and pleasantly sunny. ugh.

so in 1st nothing really happened, except im talking more to this popular girl (that im slightly scared of embarrassing myself in front of). and my friend from that class is bonding with this other girl, which sort of makes me insecure about how much she likes me, if shes faking it, if when picking partners she’ll pick the other girl over me, etc. oh, i know this sounds so stupid, but honestly, my self esteem is probably pretty low.

in 3rd the teacher went home sick, so we had one of those ackward play-separately classes, where we sat in silence when we didnt feel like playing. it makes me sad to see how mean SNK guy is to the mentally challenged one. i try to be nice, but its just so hard.

for lunch i was planning to talk to my friends abou this hang out im trying to piece together, but my other friend dragged me to her club, and out of guilt and trying to be a good friend, i went.

in 5th we had a quiz and a warmup i just could not understand. but i am making friends with the people around me.

on the walk out, i walked with this girl i sort of know, and her friend joined us. i barely know her friend, in fact, i dont think her friend knows my name. so it was slightly ackward.

i chilled at home, fortifying myself with food so i dont starve at band practice,Β before heading back to school for a sectional. there is a girl that can just not march even though she has been in band for two years, and we were all trying to help her by marching with her. well she is a hopeless case, and everyone is so mean to her it makes me so sad. i try to be nice, and she is really ok, but its so hard when everyone is pressuring me to exclude her….

anyway, we worked on music and i actually played! yay! i know for sure i am getting better, so that helps me. i actually am starting to like playing the flute, and all that. its fun, and i look forward to band….

we walked down and did this really weird drill where we stood at attention and if we move we get out. i made eye contact (stupid me) and thats how i got out 3rd. 😦

we went through the drill and i joked around with GF (that’s guy friend) R and others. i bonded more with PGF( thats possible guy friend) T! yay! hes really nice. and cute, in a little kid way. and i was so proud of myself the whole time for actually playing all the notes, on the right octave !!!!!

on the way up, i actually talked and discussed and laughed with Crush O! double yay! we have come up with a plan, and i have planted the seed of ‘we should hang out’. we are all going to this band party (which i know is going to be lame) but whatevs. however, my sort-of friend L was all ‘you know, we have hung out without you. you werent invited.’ i feel like she is insecure and trying to put me down. it made me feel awful, cause i thought i was so close to them. well, i am now convincing myself that she was referring to this one time where they invited me but i couldnt go, and she just didnt know i was invited. yeah. thats it. another girl was all “you know sometimes i just want to slap you.” but she said it in a peppy way and she says stuff like that all the time so im hoping she wasnt serious? see how insecure i am? this is pitiful

anyway, crush O and i now have an inside joke (yay!), i am becoming friends with PGF T, and my weekend is packed with social life! yay:) not a bad day, if you ask me.


i (finally) for the first time in the entire school year hung out with a friend! i just know how pitiful that is, and i tell myself its cuz I’m too busy, but really i could make time. maybe. and when friends do invite, i either tell them i can’t to make it seem like i have really important plans (when i really am just practicing instruments or something like that) or i say yes but they don’t follow through. 😦

so this morning i got up and decided to be lazy and not go running. again. i just know I’m gonna fail and start getting flabby again. i also flubbed my mini-workout, i did about half then got bored.

had a fight with my mom about my clothes, apparently i dress too ‘old’, but i just like wearing looser, richer colored clothing! and not revealing! my mom thinks i should ‘treasure my youth’.

got to church late, we talked about reading the bible. i once tried to read through the entire bible. and i was going to, too. really. but i just got to leviticus, and just DIED. its so tedious, and i was too young for it too make any sense. i even (gasp) asked my pastor what ‘discharge’ from men was, because i thought only girls had discharge. oh. my gosh. i can’t believe now that i even asked that. so embarrassing!

after church, i got home, and my friend came about half an hour later. she is supposedly my best friend, but not really. but really she is really great, i just feel like we are not that close because she is busy all the time.

we talked for a bit, then called some other friends to see if they could come. they couldn’t, but we started to prank call.

them: yes?
me: yes?
Them: what?
Me: who is this?
them: this number called me.
Me: what? what are you talking about? who is this?
Me: is this a prank call? ugh.!!!


Me: hello?
Them: hello????
me: ugh, its you again! STOP calling me!
Them: i didn’t! this number called me!
hang up.


we talked more about the homecoming dance (she went, i didn’t) and apparently i was right. all they did was grind, and they counted the number of people they grinded with. she got more than 10, and our other friend got 9, which is apparently good for a first timer. I’m glad i didn’t go, because I’m pretty sure i would get 0, plus its not really something i want to get into anyway.

anyway, we got kicked off by my mom and we went outside to put out halloween decorations, then we started to carve a pumpkin my mom bought. we to sidetracked and ate snacks for about an hour, then carved some more. then we ate dinner (yum) and we watched bruce almighty. which might be my favorite. b-e-a-utiful!

then we brought the pumpkin in and finished watching the movie while carving. we took the seeds and roasted them, and they were good. πŸ™‚

then her dad came 😦 and she left after like half an hour. fun day πŸ™‚


right, this morning i didn’t want to go sell this fundraising stuff for a class at school, since I’ve already tried 2 times and we were just going to go to a different neighborhood. so, being really sneaky, i pretended to be asleep, jumped up, sprinted downstairs, and took the fundraising stuff and hid it under a desk. then i ran up and got in bed again and pretended to sleep for another half hour. then i told my mom that we already turned it in. (which is sort of true, because you were supposed to, i just forgot to bring them)

yup. pretty sneaky.