just feeling down

i hate Facebook. i hate seeing how much fun other people are having.

here i am stuck at home because GUESTS are coming yet no they have failed to show.

not that i had anything to do any way. not much to invite friends over for from like 5 o clock.

i hate having ‘friends’ that only go as far as school. no they don’t invite you out. and my closest friends are super stellar athletes or dancers and have stuff to do packed all weekend long….

which leaves me with…nothing. then again, i am pretty busy until around after winter break.

its just that all the things i have to do (like practice piano and flute and chinese and study for SATs and chores and that takes up most of my time) are at HOME, which basically makes me feel like i have no life.

and then there are the fake friends. or totally outright hate you friend-of friends.

like a girl on my soccer team. she doesn’t like me, and its obvious to me. the way she avoids me and the way she doesn’t laugh or compliment me and how she never says hi and never calls when she says. and then she talks about me behind my back. She leads me on; tells me to keep a certain day open so we can hang out, then ‘forgets’ to invite me even though i call her to ask.

or another girl at school that i hate with absolute loathing that my friends used to hate. she openly dislikes me. last year, trying to be nice to her, i gave her rides home everyday even though her house was super out of the way and it took like 30 minutes to get home instead of 5 because she told me her dad was getting heart surgery, and was hospitalized. turns out, she lied. he’s totally fine and she doesn’t have a ride because she told her dad IT WASNT NECESSARY because she had a ride! or another time i lend her my jacket because she’s cold. she promises to give it back at lunch. she keeps it for 7 MONTHS. months. and pictures surface of her WEARING it. on Facebook (see? i hate fb) i bug her everyday for it. she finally wears it to school, where i force her to take it off. but look. she kept it OVER SUMMER BREAK.

i wouldn’t normally mind if i actually liked her or she was decent to me. but she insults everything about me, from the time i decided to not wear makeup (‘what happened? you look so awful. you face looks like a S***** hole.’), to the time i stuck up for the new kid, who was obese and in a wheelchair (‘oooooh do you like him? why don’t you go over there instead of sitting here? we would all be so much happier.’), to the time i wore slightly longer and baggier shorts because i wanted to be comfortable and not slutty (‘those shorts are huge. it looks like you are wearing denim potato sacks.’)

sorry about all these negative things but i really just need to vent since i can’t have a journal without someone finding it and going through it!



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