xxxxxcited

the tournament is today! I’m about to go for my morning run, but i forgot to charge my iPod and so i have to wait….a bunch of my friends from band are going out to breakfast before call time, but i wasn’t directly invited (well, i was, but they didn’t follow up or give me stats on it, so i sort of don’t know if i really was, so I’m not going. if that makes any sense.)

any way, yesterday morning, we basically did worksheets and i hung out with my friends. my friend thats drawing away from me did not really talk, just a ‘what are you doing tonight?’ and then she never got to finish her sentence. i tried hand signaling across the room like we used to but she still doesn’t seem as…close…..to me as before.

i am almost over crush A. actually, not really. i think i liked him as a friend from the beginning. but yeah. plus, i think he has a crush on my friend next to me, which is sweet but also unfortunate because i think she thinks he’s annoying.

in debate i finally had a practice debate. my heart was totally pounding but i think i did pretty good, no freezing up or anything. i answered all but one of their arguments, which i am supa proud of since i was against a pretty good team, the one with the best guy in the class room. who i may have a crush on. lets say Crush v. we talk sometimes and he’s pretty smart. not the best looking. but nice.

back to the debate, my friend told me i sound ‘arrogant’, like ‘obviously, you’re wrong. duh.’ well,  i think thats at least better the timid….right?

for lunch, there was a meeting for girls who are going to try out for the soccer team, and i went. I’m trying out for freshman, but I’m not sure ill make it because a) i always do terrible at tryouts. most coaches come and see my games instead. b) theres only 25 spots and, let me say, that room was PACKED and c) lately i’ve been losing my touch on the ball. i know some of my friends will be on the team and its going to be so embarrassing when they see how bad i am.

and in 6th we worked on homework for half the class. it was awkward, because the teacher gave us the choice to work with set partners, and mine was this nice girl, but a since i don’t have any friends in that class everyone (including her) thinks I’m sad loser loner, she was avoiding my eye contact and i was avoiding hers. you know how it is. she doesn’t want to be associated with me lol. so she worked with her friend in a group of three, while i was the only one who worked awkwardly alone. yup, I’m never going to make friends there.

we had a mass band sectional, but i had to leave early for piano, so early we didn’t even start rehearsing. so the was pointless.

after piano we went to costco and i got my necessary foods, like my fav cereal, my greek yogurt, my bread…..same things every time. my dad drove me home. its always so awkward driving with my dad because we are not very close and every time i say something, it turns into a lecture, or a fight, or a rant about how awful mom is, so we just sit in silence.

i got home and watched tv all night. i can’t help but wonder: what are my friends doing tonight without me?

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