slightly disappointing crush v day

wellllllll i had a dream that i woke up super late and dressed awfully and looked like a wreck and went to school and crush v ignored me…..

and then i woke up early.

so yah i took twice as long to do my mini-workout…..i made it more of a strength thing because i did it reaaaallllly slowmo so it took a lot of strength to hold it up.

brushed my teeth, wore this awesome (i think) dress with this navajo-esque print made of airy cotton and a burnt red color. with a textured button-down over it. and suede boots. and i loved it. other people, not so much…

so i got to 2nd and i talked with my friend S (our friendship now solid yay!) we have a lot of new inside jokes from our sleepover over break. and yah. finished the movie about wolves or whatever.

went to 4th. and you know what that means. crush VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

so here goes. at first he ignored me and i ignored him. then he made some comments on my convo. (made fun of me for getting dissed, thanks.) made fun of my food (not a sandwich today!) talked a teensy bit. and then he spent the rest of the time up at the front of the classroom teaching. smart kid.

apparently he is excited for the tournament this weekend (i told him i was dreading it)


so thats about it. had a confusing lunch, walked down, walked up with a different person, went back to normal eating spot, spent the time being bored and nothing really happened. didn’t really talk that much. but friend S got dumped by her senior boyfriend, and she didn’t tell me even though we talked all through 2nd period, and she didn’t seem broken up about it at all.

then in 6th all the girls who made the soccer team were talking about it and stuff. and i felt like trash.

boring class, really. worked in partners again, and i can just tell when the teacher tells us who we are going to work with, my partner is always kind of sad. cuz everyone there thinks I’m a loser that never talks. which is kind of true in that class.

walked to the pickup spot, and me and my brother had a conversation. that doesn’t usually happen. i think our relationship is improving; before it was awkward just standing next to each other in silence and when one of us talked it was like ‘what the heck is you problem?’

got home, all good and boring, gonna go play piano since I’m not gonna have time later (even though my competition is this weekend! i have to beat my friend!)

brother college apps

btw, just though id put it on here that my brother is working really hard on his college app essays. and we are all really, really worried. he is applying to all the UC schools, and we all know that the server is going to crash tomorrow (which is the deadline). so he has to turn it in today. and he just wrote it. we have all been staying up late helping him revise, giving him advice……i just don’t know. i am really worried for him.

impure thoughtssss

well yesterday we had our high school girls small group thing. we talked about impure thoughts and how far is too far and all of that stuff.

We were talking about how too far is around where you start or make others start to think impure thoughts, like about sex. its interesting, because we were talking about how guys think more about that than girls. i didn’t know that guys are more horny or something than girls, i always thought we were all the same. we are all humans, don’t we think alike?

apparently not.

apparently, just having a tickle fight sends them off the deep end. Hugging is pushing it.

is that true? because i really doubt it. maybe thats why its so hard to have a best guy friend….just platonic…..

well, just food for thought.

im not going to do anything beyond platonic stuff with guys until after high school, anyway.

so ANYWHOOOOO that morning, i ran. YESSSSSS and i beat my time. i ran my 2 mile trail in under 18 minutes! and that is very uphill (maybe a 7 incline), with rocks all over, a weird heat wave (80 degrees in november?), and dust flying into my eyes (i think its the santa ana winds). and i got a great time. not once, but TWICE in a row, AND i didn’t slow down! intervals of sprinting and jogging

and at church, we watched this great video with this asian bald guy. he was a great preacher, and he preached in a way that was so relatable to teens and young adults. it was really powerful; he talked about searching for christ together as a church and not alone.

got home, did homework. crush V was on fb again. didn’t have the guts again. played piano hardcore.

decent boring day

woke up on time, did my mini workout, dressed in a pretty tunic and cuffed my jeans. the tunic was slightly sheer…..but only in the sunlight.

went to school, was on time, switched seats in spanish and now I’m next to awesome people plus my friend P! yay

after spanish, i looked discreetly for Crush v, since his class i think is next to mine. none. nothing. sadness.

went to band, band went ok. i played all the scales pretty well.

went to lunch, lunch went fine too. hung out with old besties, talked to my asains. good lunch.

went to math, math went good. switched seats (finally!) and I’m next to on of my old tablemates thats really nice (girl M) and we talked like we were friends. also a guy J thats really nice, and big (not fat, just a big build), and quiet. he super smart too. i don’t have a crush on him, but he seems like a great guy, and i sort of want us to be friends. i don’t know why, i just got a good feeling about him

got home, hung out in my room procrastinating and deciding what to wear for the week. i got a super busy weekend (SUPER BUSY AS IN I DONT HAVE TIME TO BREATHE) (BUSIEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE BUSY) and I’m going to be seeing crush V a lot so i need to look good! but i also need to be comfortable, look not-high-maintenance, slightly androgyness, and like i don’t care. tall order. also needs to be loose, since i will be changing in and out of it…

if only he knew how obsessed i am

i get to see him tomorrow. I’m nervous

boring, nice day at home

basically a day of rest and getting things done.

so i get up nice and early and watch twilight while i digest my cereal. my day starts out great because i wake up with a somewhat flat stomach! for the first time in days! YAYYYY

i go running around 8:30, and i run outside and then i go on the tread an run a kilometer. then i run back up home and I’m super proud of myself. i looked up on google maps how far my outside run is, and its about 2 miles. and i run it in 15 minutes (hey, its a steep incline!) my new goal is to get it under 18 minutes, but ultimately i want it under 15 minutes.

i shower reallllly long to reward myself. then i come out and read this book called jumper by steven gould. my brother checked it out, and there is nothing else, so i just picked it up. well it was pretty decent, just not very challenging.

i ate a bowl of yogurt with vanilla extract and some honey. it was ok….

then i played piano for about an hour. it went by really fast. then i ate a bowl of steamed vegetable around 1 for lunch, and then i finished jumper while eating a piece of bread with feta and pesto. and a cup or so of this snack mix of pretzels and crackers and stuff.

then i played about a half hour more of piano. I’m playing the fantasia impromptu, and its super awesome!!!!! i can’t wait to get really good at it so i can memorize it and when i play it people will be like whoaaaaaaaaa she’s kickbutt

and THEN some little kids came to the door fundraising for their footballl trip to florida or whatevers, wellllllll i was wearing a gorgeously flattering outfit of grey sweatpants and grey stained baggy t shirt with no bra and no makeup whatsoever and my hair was all poofy and frizzy and my bangs dried weird. so i could just tell they were looking me up and down, plus i was home on saturday afternoon…..yeah i looked like a total loser .haha…..

went on fb for a few minutes, not many notification but like 5 messages. and Crush V wasn’t on! which reminds me…

crush V is sometimes on chat, and one day i WILL get the guts to chat him up. just a quick hey…..but i don’t want it to be obvious or for him to know i like him as more than a friend…..SOMEDAY

and now I’m doing some homework, and then i have to work butt off doing piano theory because i have to finish the entire workbook by the middle of december. there are 20 lessons. i am on lesson 3. thats probably not going to go well…..

but I’m having a good food day and productive day and piano day

and I’m not feeling like a loser for having no where to go on a saturday…guess my self esteem is going up too

so yup thats my crazy hectic (not) day!


right, so I’m brushing my teeth and I’m about to go to sleep early yay

so i finished my homework, got a TON of stuff done today, did 4 lessons in piano theory. i was crazy with piano, i got sort of carried away and in total i played about 3 hrs of piano. probably more.

fantasie impromtu is coming along nicely 🙂

ate more than i wanted maybe 1400 calories…


so good day


so after planning to get up at 4:30 and leave around 5, of course my alarm clock was not on and i end up panicking after waking up at 5:30. of course. because everything always goes smoothly for me.

so i call my friend M and her mom, and they slept in too! so we are all rushing and we are out the door around 6:30. ugh.

anyway, just want to add that my stomach has been AWFUL lately. i measured just now, and I’m at 25 inch at rest, and 24 when flexing. i used to be a whole inch smaller, plus my abs are disappearing! I’m feeling really low…

the ride there is fun, we sing along to oldies and songs like man in the mirror….yah we both know every single word..

so we go to this outdoor mall and begin. we hit macy’s first, and i just die because i fall in love with this amazing sweater. its really thin, so its not really a sweater, its more like a shirt. its bright neoprene-like blue, with these awesome tie-died dark dark stripes. its cropped I’m front (just a ninny-iny sliver of ab) and slightly longer in the back. its long-sleeve and it has a retro cut of the shoulder-armpit area. and its amazing. and its 40 percent off……which made it 50 dollars. not cool.

plus its wasn’t on my list, which i vowed to stick to.

oh btw heres my list of necessities that aren’t trendy and i have wanted for a long, LONG time.

Basic black loose boyfriend tuxedo jacket/blazer thing

basic black leather jacket NOT BOMBER moto jacket (faux, of course)

black basic closed toe and heel pumps, little-to-no platform (we are talking like a half inch tops) made of faux or real matte leather (not patent or suede r any of that, just regular leather) with a 5-inch heel. yeah, VERY specific, and it has to be good quality but on sale, so its gonna take a while to find that one….

dr marten combat boots, black or red, basic stuff

Semi-fitted basic zip-up hoodie (for when i don’t care or want to give off a ‘cool’ vibe or a androgyness one,…)

LBD BASIC not sluttly or short or too revealing….i want this to go EVERYWHERE

and last but not least an awesome band tee. with like the beatles or something. just comfy.


yup, thats my list. it has been formed over about 4 years of carefully studying street style and what i like, deciding what i think my closet should be built around.

and today was great cause i can cross off a ton of things off my list…

anyway after macy’s we went around to forever 21 (which was really disappointing), GAP (i got a basic long-sleeve for 60% off yay totally goes with my ruby aldridge and freja beha obsession).

we left after two hours and headed back to her house and dropped off her little bro and ate a bit. then we went to this outdoor little high-end Forum near our house (a popular hangout spot) we went to H&M, which i love, possibly because they use my favorite models. anyway, this is where i went crazy.

i bought the basic hoodie (check!) its blue-ish grey with a white zipper and strings for 20 bucks. i bought my black tuxedo jacket (check!) for 30 bucks. and i bought this awesome beatles band tee for 5 bucks (original price 15). i wanted to get this awesome scarf on sale for 5 bucks (had this awesome knotty muffler vibe…) but i spent WAAAAY too much so i had to constrain myself and stick to the list.

we stopped by target for like an hour because i heard there were really good deals. there were. there was the moto jacket for 15 buck! original price 35! and it was nice, and it was a new item! too bad it was a bomber jacket, which i like but its not as versatile as just a regular jacket so i didn’t get it. plus also i just think i spent too much today.

we fooled around in makeup and she bought PJs. it makes me feel better because she spent like 75 dollars, and i spent 70, so its not that bad, right???

who am i kidding, this is the most i have ever spent at once.

well at least i know ill wear these for sure and i thought this out….


yeah so after that we went home. they dropped me off, and i showed the stuff to my grandma and mom. they don’t like it, they think i dress too old and dark. nuh, uh, plus I’m not going to wear it with like skulls or anything, plus its not even goth!

anyway, my mom is going to get her nails done with this coupon i picked up. I’m sort of worried. i know she is going to buy a ton of stuff. my mom is really blasé about spending money, because when my parents divorce my dad is taking most of the money so she thinks that by spending it its kind of like revenge….i think its ridiculous and if she keeps spending while our money goes downy he drain (we are in the middle of a ton of lawsuits and problems) i am going to have to money for college, and i am worried about my mom working when she gets old….

i guess I’m kind of a hypocrite. but i promise, i NEVER spend this much!


well after that i just watched TV and stuff, really uneventful. called my friend to hang, but she probably can’t, so tomorrow I’m doing absolutely nothing. sort of feel like a loser…but i know the resting will be good for me

well thats it for now.