UGH

well i just had an awful day.

so in bio everything started out fine and great and nice. we gossiped some juicy band stuff (my friend that likes crushT is being rejected by crush T, but Crush R likes her! and my fat friend is gunna get asked out by this cute sax!) so it started out fine.

then this obnoxious girl who obviously thinks i am a flat-chested dorky band kid, always criticizes absolutely everything i do. she looks at me, laughs, and goes ‘why are you so dressed up? someone special?’ you know what i was wearing? my PAJAMA t-shirt (just a plain grey shirt) skinny jeans, sneakers, a leather belt, and my hair in a messy bun. and she wasnt being sarcastic. what is her problem? she just tries to find something about me to laugh at. later, she looks at me and goes ‘are you wearing a push up bra?’ i say no, because why would i do that? i like being flat. of course, she says ‘why not? you really should get one. just look at me. they make you go ‘ [here she actually TAKES HER BOOBS AND SQUEEZES THEM TOGETHER. what is wrong with her?] ‘like this.’ obeviously she is majorly insecure so i ignore her annoying pokes in class.

debate goes bad as well. my friends hate debate, and i dont know what to do because if they hate debate, they wont join it next year, and if they wont join next year, I wont join next year, and then i wont ever see crush V! ugh. also, crush V did not talk to me at all, maybe once or twice a passing comment. that REALLY ruined my day.

lunch goes fine. soccer tryouts today, and while talking to my friend about it, i realize i forgot my shinguards! i panickly call my mom, who sends it right away thank god.

English goes boring, but on the bright side i have no homework. me and my friend rush to the tryouts because we literally have like 10 minutes to run to the lockers, change, and get down to the field to check in. awful.

and guess what? tryouts SUCK. first thing, we do 1.vs.1, and i rely on my speed. well in this tiny little boz you are supposed to show off your tricks, and I DONT HAVE ANY. that fails.

next, we test our basic technique. i do ok on headers and volleys and all that, but whenever the coach is around, i get nervous and mess up.

next, we do sprints. oh, no. when i was younger i was fast because i had a height advatnage, but no more. i got dead last by a frustrating like inch every single time. in my defense, i was realloy stupid and i got in the same group as this insanely fast runner. no wonder no one wanted to be with her….we also did longer sprints, and i started out 2nd but as i kept running i got tired and came in 3rd. bad…..

and that was it. awful. just awful. 15 girls are getting cut, and i know i am one of them. and the worst is that if i am cut, i know they were right because i never have been that good. im not even on a competitive team…

after i got a ride from my friend, which ended up being a trip to her house. we hung out, and i am really worried about her since she really honestly thinks she is fat, and she sometimes goes days only eating popcorn, celery, and carrots. i dont know what to do. we spent half the time talking about body image and stuff, while she asks me things like, ‘am i prettier than____, or ___?’

then, at dinner, her mom made the best pasta in the world and i just couldnt help it. i ate 2 freaking plates of it. full plates. after, i felt so fat, because my stomach was literally bursting and i felt awful and horrible. when i got home i measured myself and i had a 25 inch waist! that is two inches more than normal! i feel hideous…..

and then i played piano for a solid hour and i played terribly. i kept fumbling my fingers, and forgetting the notes.

today was just bad.

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