nutcracker

i woke up today to my friend AD. at 9. in the morning. 

my parents were fighting. in front of her! so embarrassing. none of my friends know about my family problems, so i made them leave.

we ate, i played piano while she failed at doing nails. then we tried to do a chignon (shin-Yooooooong!) for a long time, gave up, and busted curled her hair. got dressed in our ‘fancy ballet’ clothes (for me, dark jeans, a nice top, and a pretty blazer) then we walked down to our friend KS’s house.

we went to our friend EC’s ballet nutcracker performance from there. she really is pro. like, she was the little sister louisa! and it was a legit performance, like the big parts were paid and the tickets were like 50 bucks. we watched it and it was sooooo good! i was sooooo proud of her. we were waving and she saw us!

we met her around the back and took millions of pictures. it was adorable because this little girl saw friend EC and asked to take a picture of her! ADORABLE.

we went to panera and ate, and we talked to a musician from the orchestra. and we saw some of the  dancers in their street clothes having dinner.

we had like 10 minutes until friend EC had to go to her nighttime performance, and we just walked into the nearest store, which was aeropostale. EVERYTHING WAS ON SALE AND IT WAS CRAZY. but there were no people buying! it was crazy! i got a gorgeous black lace shirt for 5 dollars, original price 30! and underwear….haha. from 8 to 3. can’t go wrong with that.

got home.

and my day was ruined.

my parents were awful. my dad is retarded. i hate him. i really do.

he accused my mom of stealing hundreds of thousands from him. then, when that didn’t work dn he couldn’t prove it, he accused my aunt and uncle. then he accused my grandparents. MY GRANDPARENTS. they are so helpless, so innocent. they can’t even work a phone! they can barely use internet!

sometimes i just want to hit him, and kill him, and just run away and report him.

my mom is talking about moving out. renting a house, moving away. she’s talked about it since i was 9. and she means it…..but the accusation thing, and some other lawsuits and other complicated things made it impossible. but we were discussing which kid would go with who…..we are going to stick together. 

but i worry about my dad. sometimes i don’t see the bad part of him. and he is so old, and so weak, and i don’t know. if something happened to him, and there was nobody to help.

but its the same thing with my mom. and my grandparents. when we all leave for college, what are they going to do? my mom is old, and the money is almost gone.

i feel like my life is so awful, but then i hear things, like a guy my friend likes. his dad life-or-death needed bone marrow, so he tricked his dad into signing paper so he himself (the guy) gave bone marrow. he underwent a major surgery. and his mom is an alcoholic who threatens to kill them, and through all that they have money struggles and are looking for an apartment to rent.

and then i feel like a brat for feeling my life is bad.

Published by unknownandanonymous

A journal written for me, by me. Bonus points for me if other people like reading it.

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