winter debate tournament!

so TODAY was our winter debate tournament! it was open….and that meant that we debated VARSTIY…..

so i got there bright and early at like 8:30. when i was walking in i saw crush V and he said hi and told me where everyone was….

our first round was against this really, really sad team of two tall skinny guys. they were the only team from their school, and they obviously didn’t have a great program or anything there, because they were clueless. clueless. they had no evidence. we were aff. they ran all these messed up arguments that were’nt really arguments. they ran a counter plan sort of thing that wasn’t really. we ran sps. they defined spa as a moon base, and their impacts were it would spur human curiosity and cause us to want to travel to the moon and create a moon base. wth?

they lost so obviously.

we got out so early, we sat around for like an hour. our second round was against the best team in the entire tournament, M&E. they have 3 TOC bids! 3!!!!!

so all our hours of work on our amazing neg strat (spending DA and privatization CP with NASA bad cards for case) was unusable! WHY? because our entire case answer was built on top of NASA bad, and their plan was weather satellites. implemented by the DOD. sucks,’

so we last minute pulled up our old spending and debris disads. and cried on the inside while we we slowly pulverized and humiliated.

well, thats not true. we did ok. considering they are amazing. and afterwards they actually told friend AF that they weren’t sure if they won, because they thought the judge was picking up spending because she was lay (a parent judge) and didn’t know any better.

but we still lost.

inbetween, we talked to all the other lcc debate kids. i talked to PGF K! yayyyyyyy he’s super nice.

but also, i don’t think any of the policy varsity like me. and ‘friend’ KM definitely hates my guts. i don’t like her either. she’s insecure, and mean. and a follower. and she tries to kiss up to popular kids.

and policy varsity stands in a circle and talks about debate, and just doesn’t include you at all.

and friend AF totally likes crush V, and he totally likes her back. honestly, I’m not sure if i have a crush, or just an obsession to have him as a guy friend.

then our third round we went against to big guys from school C. grrrr. our school hates school C. because they are cheap and can’t win fairly and always report you for stupid rules no one cares about (like going into the room before the judge or having the internet open even though you aren’t using it….no really, our president was literally CLOSING his internet window and they saw him. they reported him to the organizer of the tournament, then searched his computer, trying to get him disqualified. they were then busted for invading his privacy and personal property. lol.) anyway, we were aff, and they took our aff and picked at the word ‘development’. they said that testing was already being done, so our inherency was shot. apparently they missed the words ‘and implementation’. dumbos. i think we still lost.

they also ran this thing about how it wouldn’t ever get passed. we fiated that. the judge was lay, and obviously had no idea what we were talking about, even though we explained it. yeah, we lost.

our fourth round, we were so over it. we went against the TP president and her friend. the president was great (duh), and her friend was decent. they ran BMD, and we thought, screw it, we are running our neg strat no matter what. well, even though they didn’t specify in the 1AC, apparently their actor was the DOD. so we just ran our ‘USFG action bad’ cards.

i felt like that was my best round. i talked really eloquently and filled up ALL my time! i made sense! my speech flowed! i was super happy with it, even though we lost.

then we got out, and i changed to sweats. i looked like a slob….well whatever. we stayed and helped organize all the rooms. then we went to awards. we were really hoping to place, but it totally was a lost cause.

needless to say, we didn’t place. some of the placers were weird, though. like our prez got 7th in policy! what? but he got first in parley haha.

friend AF got 1st in policy….and M&E got 2nd. that wasn’t right, either.

and a ton of other stuff.

we were so over it. so i just went home after.






tons to write so I’m making two posts.

the next day, on thursday, i don’t remember what i did in bio. in debate prez and novice JG debated against friend AF and crush V. crush V had this breakdown thing…idk.

6th went fine. we worked on our group project thing, and it went fine. of course popular girl TF left and ditched us and didn’t help at all.

i dont remember what else on that day…

then on wednesday we had our spanish final, which i think i did ok on. I helped my friend on her indirect proof! pretty proud….especailly because i haven’t thought about them for like a year.

in band we just sight read a ton of stuff and i kicked SNK C’s butt.

then school was over because finals week we got out at 12! so i went to bestie EC’s house to work on debate for like 4 hours. we got a ton done, especially since we had an idea of what we were doing this time!

got home, worked on my bio ‘cheat sheet’ thing we get.

next day, took the final. it went well. then in debate we prepped more. and we got a ton of stuff done too.

out of school, we had jazz band.

and bestie actually REFUSED to let me play the piano. i didn’t want to make her mad, so when the conductor came over and asked if we wanted to switch spots, i just was like, ‘oh yeah, sure.’ later, she told me she felt that i was ‘too competitive’ with piano and that ever since i beat her at the piano competition i had been like this. i got super mad.

i thought about whether our friendship was worth it.

and I’m still wondering…

but onto the next day. i took my math final, then gave our english presentation. went fine..

then i sat at home and watched tv for about 5 hours. then i prepped a bit for the tournament, and then played piano (i didn’t have piano yesterday because teacher was gone for some reason), then i decided what to wear for the next day, and then i went to church. it was game night! it was super fun.

got back, showered. next post is debate tournament!

Crush VVVVVVVV newssssss

okokokkok I’m going to start from the beginning.

that last week went awful.

Friday night we decorated our youth room! it was super fun, and we added paint-on whiteboards and blackboards. yeahhhhhh

i got closer to friend KW

saturday, i had my EXETER interview. and it was so fun! before, we got there early because i wanted to make sure we weren’t late so we left an hour early. so when we got there we went to the beach and it was super duper windy. i would post a picture, but then it would be anonymous, now, would it?

then my interview went great! the dude was the ex-captain of the track team! he was funny and i feel like i was too. He told my mom that i was really great, and that he loved me! yeahhhhhh

since we were around there, we went and visited my mom’s college friend. they are filthy rich. but they are super nice. their daughters went to oxford and harvard!

they gave me hot cocoa, which i really did not want to drink but i didn’t want to hurt their feelings…

we went to this really nice restaurant, and i ordered a tiny salad so i ate their leftover food and ended up super full. and i had the best tiramisu of my life.

and then we drove home! and got home late….

fun day.

the next we went to church, which was fun, too. i was feeling restless, so i went off and sat be myself on this wall like 10 feet off the ground, and looked out over the swamp. i wasn’t depressed or anything, but apparently i looked it, so they all came over and fussed over how i was feeling. ruined my peace, but its nice that their nice. it was weird, since frenemy SW came first….i feel like she just did it to pretend to care.

and that night there was a party or whatever for chinese new year’s eve at WP’s house. they gave away their dog! ahhhh

so i brought the mac and i did homework…..and went on facebook


i had a conversation with crush V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i saw he was online and before i could psych myself out of it i chatted him ‘how was the tournament?’ and he told me. and then i was out of stuff to say and then i asked a debate question and then he answered it. and then he added that he sucked on those stuff, too! he didn’t even have to do that! and i thought that was going to be it, but then he ASKED ME A QUESTiON.

and i answered, and we got talking! and he wrote really long answers…and he answered pretty much right away every time.

good sign?

He said he’d be sad if i didn’t join debate next year!

and he told me something that he said ‘not to tell anyone else!’

and he said i wasn’t a typical freshman, and that i was more mature!

(well i don’t really know about that….)

but yeah. it was great.

yesterday nothing really happened. 1st, we presented our little drama skits. 3rd, we took our playing test. lunch, i hung out with my old friends and it wasn’t awkward! 5th, my table isn’t so awkward anymore….popular girl is sort of nice; nerdy dude isn’t nerdy after all (friends with renowned hot guy), but fat dude….is still….you know.

todayyyyyyy 2nd went fine, and i hung with friend AH. 4th went fine too, we prepped for the tournament this weekend and we asked a ton of questions and we ended up feeling really stupid. once the varsity ditched us and crush v went ‘I’ll help you!’…..yeah and we asked him a few questions throughout class.

crochet club, we basically prepped. i got my PSAT scores! i got a 188….is that good? I’m sending it in to the boarding schools.

6th, we worked on our group project thing. i have this one popular girl TF, this nice girl MH that I’m sort of friends with, this nice guy JC , and this popular jerk guy BS (yes, ex crush BS. i am so over him).  nice girl, nice guy and i did most of the work, popular jerk was surprisingly easy to work with. popular girl ditched us and we literally did not see her for the entire time.

we did our skit for the teacher, and it was hilarious because we had actions written in the script. so we wrote ‘wail and cry’ as one of the actions, and when i got to that part, we all tried to do it but we started laughing instead. and … had to be there.

we got a ton done, and me and nice girl MH are almost friends

tutoring was awkward because the entire freshman girls soccer team was behind me goofing off, and they all know me….as the girl who didn’t make it.

and because my friend JS found her other friend and they ignored me.

so yeah

BUT I DONT CARE because i can check off ‘talk to on fb’ off my list for crushes!

I asked for his Skype account ‘so i could ask him questions on debate’. i hope he answers


bad. problems with bestie?

ok, so I’m just having a bad week.


i don’t really know, but I’m just tired….and its not family stuff (well, yeah, it is, it always is. but its not that particularly this time)


so on monday, 1st period went fine. so did third. and i stayed for the crochet club, and i was so hungry but that was the one day friend JS forgot to bring food. then i had 5th, where we switched seats, so now I’m next to the very popular girl all the guys have crushes on, this unfortunately fat guy (yes, I’m very mean), and antisocial nerd. and me, of course, and I’m the really quiet freshman smart girl.


then i went to tutoring, and by then i was soooo hungry. like, my stomach was actually growling and i felt faint.


so when i got home (btw it was freezing) i pigged out. and then i felt bad about myself for pigging out.


we had the band concert, and just like i thought, all the band people hate me. especially ‘friend’ LT. i hate her. she’s cruel, makes fun of people, and is just starving for attention. everyone likes her because she’s a blast to be around when she likes you. i would know; she used to like me. i honestly don’t know what happened. but yesterday, me and my bestie rejoined a circle, and i just threw out casually ‘its annoying when the circle migrates.’ you know what LT returned with? ‘the circle didn’t move, we just didn’t invite you. no one wants you here.’ i wasn’t even talking to her. and that was really hurtful.


so yeah. thats basically how the evening went. i walked awkwardly behind the huge group.


and bestie? i was completely wrong about her. its ironic, that the day after i write a post all about how she’s amazing and then she goes….she totally chose popularity over me. that just makes me feel great. and i think i know. bestie’s only great when it benefits her, and when you agree with her.


so we did our little awful trio thing, then was showed up completely by the clarinet duet that was basically the two best players in the class right after us.


i went home.


today, i woke up and was so unmotivated to do my workout. who was i doing it for? myself, sure. thats what I’m supposed to say.


i was early, but i dragged and i ended up being late. i forgot my iPod. 2nd went fine, but friend SS basically didn’t talk to me, and bestie literally completely ignored me. she’s making other friends in that class. i guess I’m a little jealous and mad that she’s branching out…


debate, and I’m mad. i told her to get everything done on monday during our debate sesh, but no, she was over it and decided to do it this week. but guess what? we can’t do it all this week, exactly like i told her. like i warned her. but noooooo, its not her fault, she says!


there was a a debate for the people going to this tournament this weekend. it was Friend AF and Crush V vs. Prezzie and Annoying Jewish Frosh.


prezzie team won. crush v had a heart attack, i think. they suck as a team. I’m happy, which is awful i know, that they’re relationship is tearing. they were really mad at each other today.


i was sitting next to friend JS, and bestie and KM were on the other side of the room. guess what? in the middle, Friend JS gets up and leaves. and goest to the other side. i make pouty faces across at them, but they don’t even look over. not once. i give up, and just look like a friendless loser in this class that knows our little clique way too well not to notice. and after, they come up and are like ‘what’s wrong?’ how do they not know?


i became antisocial and withdrawn. i just lost all energy and …yeah. i stood there all lunch and didn’t talk, and i walked alone. bestie caught up to me. she noticed something was wrong, yeah, but she didn’t automatically know! when i told her everything was fine, she didn’t see through it! i know thats unreasonable, but…i just feel that if i tell her the truth about everything, she’ll get freaked out about how serious and depressing i am and just ditch. thats how all my friends at this school are. if I’m not fun to be around for too long, they leave. no rough patches allowed.


I just wish i had real friends. my one real friend, i never see, and she doesn’t seem to try especially hard to see me, anyway.


6th went awful. no one makes eye contact. when the teacher let us pick our own partners, i died inside. i tried to catch the eye of the one other girl who always works alone, but she made quick eye contact, then looked down and wouldn’t look my way. i got the message. it hurts.


tutoring, with friend JS. it went fine. i acted like everything was great. I’m pretty good at that.


i went home and bonded with my brothers. ate food. and more food. and more food. i ate a lot more than i should have. i watched a lot of TV. i was just so tired. and sluggish. and depressed. I’m blowing off a lot of homework.


I’m going to sleep now.

home alone then debate sesh

well i was home alone all saturday and sunday. working on my essays. except not; by then i was way over it. like…..just no more.

so i submitted it on sunday! ahhhlskjf;alskdjfa;slkdfjal ;skdfj

yup and on saturday i finally went running! yay! i ran the actual mile….supers proud and i got like a 7:00 right on the dot! well,,,,,,,maybe more like 7:15 but that doesn’t matter. at all.

and then i ran my route but i was so proud of myself for the mile i slacked off and ran like a 21 minute.

haha pitiful.

then on sunday, i didn’t go to church. i don’t even remember what I did. stayed home and practiced piano and read books. oh yeah, i finally read some books.

and TODAY, i went to bestie EMC’s house for a 6-hour debate sesh! and we actually worked our butts off and got a lot done. so half an hour in we decided to ask for some help from Friend AF and so we Skype her…..

and she invites crush V on! so now we are three way (or four way since it two of us) group chatting on Skype! YYYYAYAYYAYAY happiest day ever. so crush V gives us this huge long spiel on Kritiks and framework. and then we just talk. and then they tell us their going to panera for a debate sesh with some other hard core debate freaks, and we were going to go, but then bestie didn’t want to. and i felt like sobbing inside because that would have been my only chance to bond with crush V and see him outside of school, but you know, once in a lifetime chances aren’t so rare. no biggie. [sniffle].

but yeah at least he said ‘hey are you guys coming, right? you should!’ and that made me feel amazing haha. yup lame ol’ me.

so we basically did that for like 5 hours, and then we took a ‘break’ for like an hour to reminisce on old pop songs like from hannah montana (we share a deep love for all things hannah montana…..we know every word…..) and jesse mccartney and aly & aj, and hilary duff….all that good stuff.

and during that ‘break’ we lost all motivation to do anything, so we just ended it there. and didn’t go to panera. not that i care.

and then we ate dinner, and stuff. her mom made these asian-american mash of butter pillsbury mix filled with onions, carrots, and ground pork. it was ok, but she made so many because apparently i eat a lot, so when i only wanted to eat one, i ended up eating three. ugh.

and then i went home.

really, bestie is my best friend. because i can be myself around her, and she doesn’t put me down, and she doesn’t influence me to do bad things, and i know i can count on her, and theres no drama, and theres no shady stuff. its all right there, and we can talk about deep things or hilariously shallow things and it doesn’t matter, and i can be boring and PMS around her and she doesn’t mind. and vice versa.

and we trust each other. i think she’s my only friend where i actually let myself trust her. just not with my family stuff.

but she’s also the only one who almost sees through my ‘its fine’ act. she catches those little things.

Im so glad i found her.



my best friend, ERC, is LEAVING MY SCHOOL

she does ballet, so she already takes a ton of online classes so she can go to her rehearsals and practices, and so now she’s switching to this all-online school……

and leaving me.

I’m the only one she told, which makes me feel all special and all that,


I’m dead sad.

i never see her, and we don’t usually hang out because she has ballet 24/7.


I’m going to miss her soooo much its crazy

crush v?

alright, before i go into that, thursday went fine. 1 went fine, 3 went fine (except i think SNK C is annoyed with me) and 5 went fine.

now, today.

2nd went ok. Guy T almost definitely likes me.

We took a test, and i know i failed it. what the heck are phosopholipids?!?!?!?! i looked it up in our textbook when i finished and they WERE NOT IN THERE…..therefore they should not be on the test duh….

my friend SS talked to some annoying sophomores who pretend that she’s their girlfriend and make inappropriate jokes, which just makes me so mad i want to punch them, but she’s totally used to it since she gets it all the time. its these times where I’m totally happy with being pretty flat. actually, i love being pretty flat basically all the time….except like at the beach.

I downloaded some indie songs yesterday, like by guster and this pop-indie band called the shins. they pretty awesome.

and 444444th………..

kay so i took out my music theory test to do since i was totally behind (btw i corrected it and i got 22 wrong! I’ve NEVER gotten that many wrong before!) and i did it during this little spiel our substitute teacher was giving us on politics. crush v took it from me and was like, whats this? he gave it back and we like ‘band?’ i said no. he said ‘AP music theory’ and i explained no.

later, he actually came up to me and my friends and said hi, and started a convo. i was saying to my bestie how i could only run outside because i love running but i hate the treadmill, and he was like, ‘join cross country! I’m on cross country…’ and of course i pretended to forget that he was on cross country, not like i stalked him or anything.

then we talked about band, and i found out he used to play the trumpet, then we talked about stereotypes. and i asked if he like my friend AF, and he was like, ‘no’. and i was like yeah right, and he gave me this dead-serious looks and was like ‘no, i don’t’ and THEN he cracked a bit  and was like ‘haha no way.’ and then it was time for the varsity parley example debate to start.,…..and he was the judge, and he pretended to be a ‘mom’ judge, basically a clueless judge, and it was pretty funny.

except i think he likes her. they are having a ‘fight’, or at least thats what they say. I think they have crushes on each other……so hard to tell. apparently he was flirt-calling her the annoying orange, and then asked if she was on her period. flirt or not?



we walked to our speech and debate team club photo thing for the yearbook. and i realized i was wearing this goth combat boot-black skinny jeans-and -grey batman guys tshirt outfit that was just not yearbook worthy…..

as we were leaving i was joking around with rapping ‘look at me now’, and then crush v walks by us while I’m doing a particularly embarrassing part….fml.

6th went boring, as always.


so crush v worth it or not?