i had a decent on the bad side week. For starters, I just realized how few friends i have in my classes and in general at school.
one in 1st. 2 actual friends in 2nd. none in 3rd. two actual in 4th (and one is a repeat!). none in 5th. none in 6th.
so you can sort of guess how my week went after that epiphany.
actually, right now I’m still reeling….a ‘friend’ KT from middle school, in my math class. We’ve hung out and everything. but i can tell she’s really insecure, and worries about being popular and all that. and apparently I’m just not cool-looking enough. So when we hit high school, she’s ignored me, and made fun of me. (the making fun of is nothing new, but thats why i avoid her). The other day, I just wanted to walk with someone, so i figured, hey, why not, and tagged along with her and her friend. she laughed and tossed her hair and acted like she was having all this fun with this other girl who’s looking really confused, and they stroll off together while i try to tag along. of course i realized she was doing this on purpose and after getting shoved out i found another friend to walk with.
but its still really hurtful.
and i hope one day her backstabbing ways will come back and bite her. she was never a good friend in the first place.
What else? guy T i think really does have a crush on me. but he does get annoying from acting all smart. look, dude, i like you as a friend and your nice, there;s nothing else you need.
Lunch is getting more and more boring as i grow more distant from my old friends. i just don’t have any classes with them, and they do, and with all their inside jokes there’s just nothing. plus they flirt with these jerk guys who won’t talk to me because i don’t flirt and I’m not a slut and I’m not gorgeous.
i talked to my best friend ERC though. she stayed for lunch one day (she usually leaves) and we walked around and talked just about stuff.
What else? well in debate we switched seats. Im next to crush V. again. and he’s next to his older friend who i think hates me. and btw, the teacher hates my guts and thinks I’m an obnoxious, stupid kid who doesn’t care about anything.
we did practice parley debates, and we failed.
out side of school, I worked until like 1 in the morning on my college apps and essays every night. needless to say, I’m really reallllllly tired. i was literally falling asleep in math…
oh and also I’ve been doing teacher recommendations and whatnot. I worry about what they’re going to say. i’m quiet? i do well on tests? i don’t really have a personal relationship with any of my teachers.
during tutoring, on tuesday and wednesday i was with a friend TG i haven’t seen for a while. we listened to music, and got some new fun inside jokes and whatnot.
The essays have reallllllllly bbeeen stressing me out. my natural writing style is often hard to understand for some and complicated with long drawn-out sentences and SAT words. and apparently thats NOT GOOD AT ALL. so I’m working on dumbing it down, but then i look, well, dumb.
and I’m stressed about the interview. i have sent requests to 4 people, and none of the them have answered! not even to say that they can’t do it! IM PANICKING the deadline is in like a week. as in they have to have the interview, then do a write up on me.
…i don’t think I’m gonna make it,
plus today i got my period REALLy heavy today which might explain why I’m sort of emotional right now but I’m not kidding. it really is urgent.