oh yeah

and today i went to piano and she said i sucked and i went to this annoying engineering program which was boring and tedious and then i had a fight with my mom and i woke up with a huge pimple and i feel nauseous from eating spoiled chinese food and i have a headache and i’m stressed out and i just had a really bad day.

so yeah

water polo

water polo and cross country. i went running for the first time last week and i was sore as hell. got a charley’s horse at water polo. stupid coaches. couldn’t walk properly.

went running again, same. ugh.

water polo. we had a tournament. it went well. 8th out of 21 teams. i scored a goal. still on novice, even as two freshman got moved up. annoyed.

also annoyed because i wrote a nice long post on this, finished it, published, and then it didn’t show up. FUCK you, word press.

piano and life in general

piano is going ok. last week i got a really good commentary from teacher, tons of improvement. this week, though, it sucked. she hit me hard. i’ve only got a month left until the test, and this is what i’ve been working towards from the very beginning. which is why water polo was a big mistake.

yesterday, i went with my mom’s dance troop to perform piano as a transition, like while they change costumes. they were late, so i ended up playing for 40 minutes straight to keep the organizer from blowing her head off. the audience was bored as hell, because i ran out of songs and played fur elise on a repeat loop for 10 minutes straight at the end….awk. i don’t know how i made it through that.

piano lessons are going good. the little girl D didn’t show last week, but friend KS is doing well. honestly, teaching piano makes decently good money. and it’s fun. i could totally see myself doing this as a backup or for extra cash…

my social life is nonexistent, though, because all free time i have i spend either practicing piano or lying down being exhausted.

i must say, though,  i love that feeling. of being so tired, lying in bed all tucked in, just exploring pinterest (OBSESSED.) and knowing i had a productive day. it’s perfect. i’ve gotten a habit of exploring pinterest as i lie in bed, and fall asleep while scrolling. i find it interesting the next morning when i see what i fell asleep reading, and having absolutely no recollection of anything in the history.

 

regret

so i just had a blow up fight with my mom. my poor, worn down, vulnerable, open wound of a mother…and i yelled at her. i was so cruel.

it was so stupid. the dumbest fight ever. it was about water polo, and whether i should go with the bus to the away game or if she would send me. she argued that i would be more rested if she sent me, which would let me practice piano more. which was ridiculous, because instead of just going with the bus, i would go home for like 20 minutes, then she would have to drive me there, which would take 30 minutes there and then she would have to drive back. waste of time and gas. i wouldn’t get to see the varsity game, and it honestly wouldn’t benefit my piano in any way.

but that was what we fought over. and i was just so mad, i wasn’t even thinking and we were both yelling and then she started crying.

i hate it when she cries. it just makes you feel horrible, and it’s all your fault, and you remember that you have to be careful around her, around everyone in this house. you don’t want to push anyone too far. and she’s dealing with so much, and time and time again i swear i’ll be just a little doll doing anything she wants, and then i lose it and just ruin everything like this.

she’s crying in her room right now, and it’s all my fault. all because of me. it’s always because of me. people can be so cruel, and i never think that i would be until i am. and i realize what i’ve done and i regret, but it’s too late.

she’s sitting there feeling lonely and abandoned and hopeless and crying, and it’s all my fault.

and now i feel like a little spoiled privileged rich girl who’s only problems are fights with her mom. but it’s so much more than that. so much more, and i can’t even explain.

Winter break 2012 (2013!) continuedddd

ok, so friday i hung out with friend TG. we made banana bread, but it tasted disgusting. it was still fun, though.

on saturday it was my grandma’s birthday, and i wanted it to be perfect. i got up early and made this amaaaaazing quiche and lasagna! but i was so into it i forgot to go to piano lessons and we got an irritated call from my teacher informing us we would not get our money back. ugh.

but we ate the lasagna and quiche and the quiche was AMAZING…so much that we finished all 3 at once. and the entire lasagna. crazy, i know.

that night, we had longevity noodles and later on me and bro E went on a walk with them. it was nice. then we played majiang, which is this chinese gambling game that is the equivalent of poker. it was a perfect birthday.

but on sunday i went to church, then after WP’s family had a new year’s party that went from 2 pm to 10pm, but we left early. me, friend MC, and friend KW ended up walking to KW’s house and watching TV anyway. I gave piano lessons to KS that night, too.

on new year’s eve, i went Ice skating with friend MH and MB. plus MH’s friend EO came along…they’re sort of best friends, except MH gets annoyed with her because she’s extremely clingy… it was only slightly awkward because i don’t really know her that well.

anyway, we ice skated, and me and MH were being all hyper trying really hard to do spins and stuff, which just made me REALLY sore the next day. it was funnnnn

we got home and ate sugar and watched the ball drop pre-show thing. carly rae jepsen was so horrific live we just sang it for her.

i went home early and watched the ball drop while skyping with my china family (5 laoye and them). it was adorable: my baby cousin said ‘jiejie’, which is what she is supposed to call me. daawwwww

new years day, i went to this indian breakfast birthday party thing for my mom’s friend. everything was spicy, but their daughter was ADORABLE. we played all these little games and she just would not stop. that’s the best kind of kid.

later i went to nordstrom rack with friend AH. neither of us bought anything, but when we went home we made gingerbread houses!

on wednesday, it was the victoria’s secret sale. i had this great plan all thought out: i was going to run to the shopping center carrying a nice books from school, shop around at the sale (right at 8 in the morning at the opening, so all the best stuff would be there), then relax in a starbucks sipping coffee and reading for some solo me-time, then jog back home.

well my mom dragged me to the orthodontists because my stupid braces broke, so that was all smashed. it sucked! i literally was looking forward to that for like 5 days in advance!

so i ended doing homework when i got home, then my mom drove me there around 4, and there was literally nothing good left, and i got some weird underwear and brightly colored bras. idk how i’m going to wear it, but my mom told me this was it for the year, so stock up…oh well.

that night, at water polo, the coaches were being especially evil, and for punishment we swam 50 25m sprints, head up. no rest. pure torture. half the girls were lightheaded and almost fell over at the end. i was incredibly sore.

thusday i went skiing with friend MC! we went to this sort of sucky ski resort, but it was ok. it was really small, so we skied down the same 4 or 5 runs over and over again. i got stuck with my mom, too, and she’s REALLLY slow. it was still really fun to be with friend MC for once.

on friday we had a water polo game! it sucked. we got face smashed. it was bad.

and i played for like half a quarter. no joke. he put me in a position i’ve never ever played before, and when i didn’t deliver, he took me out! it’s like, what the heck.

saturday i did nothing but homework, but i got sidetracked for like 4 hours because of that fashion industry confessions tumblr. ugh.

sunday (today) i skipped church and finished my homework. fun fun. and piano. i gave my first piano lesson to this adorable little girl D! she’s the daughter of my mom’s colleague. so cute.

the the piano tuner came…and sucked up so much. even though i played horribly.

and KS’s piano lesson, too. i screwed up the price, and i think her mom thought i was trying to cheat her out of some cash, and she looked sort of pissed. i swear i wasn’t. plus, my price is dirt-cheap already, no matter what!

but i’m still raking in the cash. i’ve made $200 already, for like zero effort! and it’s FUN. i swear, i could drop out of high school and be totally fine.

school tomorrow. ugh.ughughgughguhgughgugghgughg noooooooo. i don’t know how i’ll handle it….3 water polo games this week.