track tryouts, music revelations

president’s day weekend was just a blur of piano. tuesday came. i felt pretty energized until friday, but hey, i’m on my period. it’s pretty impressive that i felt weirdly good on tuesday and wednesday…

thus day just got bad, though. a slight cough on wednesday turned into bronchitis on thursday, and i now have trouble speaking full sentences without hacking up a cough…it’s horrible. last night, i got practically no sleep because of it. i’m on like 5 chinese herbs, antibiotics, honey, and mucinex all at once…

i tried my new running leggings from tj maxx. both were too big and slipped down when i ran. returning. bought a non-sale pair from sports authority today on the way back from panel, and i love them. they fit! unfortunately, they are also 40 bucks…

i don’t remember much, but i remember this week was good. i don’t know why, really. nothing big. just that people talked to me and asked how my week was, people smiled at me…. it was nice.

oh and tryouts. i made jv hurdles. she cut people this year. top 4 make varsity. i was the 5th time. so close…

NB is my hurdle friend. but she’s getting competitive, i can tell. she was telling me how she wanted to make varsity, and when she didn’t, she was mad. and she always asks what my times are and watches me when i jump, and when i stayed after one time to work on form, she got this weird attitude… it’s weird. 

EMC sucks at the 100 hurdles, and i’m sort of ashamed to say that i’m happy. i know, i’m a hypocrite. but she still made the team, which annoys me because the only reason she made is because the coach likes her. the coach doesn’t like me…i know because she never tells me good job, and she tells me to stop trying. like, what coach does that?

oh yeah, old sprints coach is gone. he’s got a nasty divorce going on…it’s funny, i never would have guessed. you never know what’s going on behind.

oh and one last thing. the night before panel, i though i was going to stop taking piano lessons. so i started this whole new plan of going in a new direction with music (because obviously i’d still play piano, just not formally) and starting a music blog. not quite sure about the details, because it’s just forming, but it’s a nice idea, yeah? i’m not sure if it would be funny or poetic or whatever. and i want to give more lessons. i love teaching piano. but the little girl quit, because her mom didn’t want to send her. it makes me sad thinking about her, because i know she loved piano, but her mom can’t take 20 minutes to drive her over…

but yeah, a music blog, more teaching, and playing more modern songs. like pseudo-classical music. like ‘River Flows In You’ by Yiruma…i like that song.

but i don’t know.

 

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ALL WEEKEND LONG. 4 day weekend. did not leave the house. 8 hours a day. my pinky feels like its going to fall off.

PANEL NEXT WEEKKKK ahhhh i don’t know why i still have even a glimmer of hope, because there’s no way that i’m going to pass.

i did run 7.4 miles on friday and 6.2 miles today, though. track tryouts tomorrow. it’s gonna be a hectic week.

crush v reflections

So. it’s 9:30 and i’m killing time before bed. I decided to read some of my old posts for the first time. usually i just write them and forget about them, sort of like just ‘get-it-down’. i guess it’s a good way to process what’s going on and whatever.

but i finally read some of my old ones from this time last year. and, must i say, i was pretty obsessed with ‘crush v’. oh…i planned my outfits for him, i recorded every little bit of contact we had, our conversations in detail, our one Facebook conversation…

and it makes me laugh. nowadays, i honestly barely wear clothes or ever do my hair…i do put on makeup, but it’s not much, because i never really have time, but i’m too insecure to go without. but as of now, no obsession. i’m not sure when it faded; i think it may just be i never see him. we pass by each other and wave occasionally, but that’s it. he has a girlfriend now. and i found out that he was hooking up with AF! 

it’s just funny to look back and see how things have changed. and that’s why i have this blog.

prezzie’s weekend

I actually had an relatively stress-free week. it was only 4 days, after all. I thought it was going to be completely stress free, but things never work out perfectly, no? It’s definitely good enough for me, haha.

I just had a hard chem test and a math test that i thought was going to be hard, and an english essay that i typed up the night before all due on the same day. yeah, that night was a fun one. the chem test was hard, i probably got a B. the math test was easy as crap, it was only 10 question! and i flubbed the essay. We read some in class on thursday (people brought in food and we sat in a circle!) and mine was just terrible. terrible. that’s not going to be a good grade.

oh and formal? stuff went down. friend LN….’christian’ friend LN. she gave a lap dance and hooked up with her date on the way there, they ditched each other at the dance, where she grinded every guy. hooked up with DC. gave him and another guy a lap dance on the way home, and hooked up the rest of the way. half my friend have hickeys. 

and you know what else? even the leaders of the FCA club hooked up. and grinded. i couldn’t believe it! on the run, they were exchanging stories, and they were proud. i was so disappointed that people who i looked up to to stay strong in my faith would do something like that. it was incredible.

i went running every day this week! but i did ‘sprint’ training. to tell the truth, i didn’t don’t mind what i do as long as i’m not wasting my time, because i have to practice piano (panel in 1 week! ahhhhh!). and i didn’t work out with them on monday (i went distance, which was a waste of time, because they took it easy and we did 3 miles. 15 minute pace.) and on tuesday and thursday when i did go with them, they were too sore to even do stairs! it was so stupid. everywhere i went we did nothing, AND i wasted precious time that i could have spent playing piano. thursday i went distance, and we did a 15-20-15 tempo run. everyone else did a 7 mile with a 4 mile tempo. ugh. coach put me in the slow group, even though i’m so much faster than all the other girls in the other group (forget about the upper jv, they did a an 8mile with 4 minute surges…). but i got my way, haha, because i went with the guys who are around my speed anyway and i got in a good maybe 7 minute mile tempo…i talked to this freshman guy the entire time (we left everyone else behind) and he was actually really nice. he was one of those people that are really easy to talk to, because all you have to say is ‘mhmmm’ or ‘really? cool!” and they can go for days. which is just perfect for running, because you are tired and it takes your mind of things.

and today we had off, because is prez weekend. i woke up nice and early and hit the roads by 7:40 for a nice long (for me, at least) run. the team was doing a recovery run, and there was no way i was going to show for that. i was worried i was going to see them, but i didn’t. i ran all the way to the nearest shopping center and back. it was 7.4 miles, and i ran for about 70 minutes, and that’s with TONS of uphill…probably a 9:40 or so mile…that’s pretty good, because i was barely tired! not bad for a 2nd week back. 

felt nice and refreshed, did some homework. made pancakes with my brother. we joked and laughed and fought over the pancakes. it was nice, because i haven’t really done anything fun or let loose in a long time. stalked popular gorgeous people on Facebook to see what social lives they had (ironic, because the reason i don’t have one is so i can practice piano more, yet i sit there on Facebook…). especially the cheerleader KC. she is so amazingly pretty i want to diiiieee. this isn’t natural. 

i’m a horrible person, but remember when i used to do homework in the media center with the cheerleaders? well, once, KC left with two other girls. the girls left were telling me about how they felt bad for KC because she used to be best friends with one of the girls that left, but that the when they hit high school and that girl met the other girl that left, they were instant best friends and KC got left out. They said she always sort of followed them and was the 3rd wheel. I was so shocked because i know this is stupid but i always thought perfect people were…well, you know. perfect. it was nice to know that perfect people aren’t perfect, and they get left out and insecure, too.

in english, when we were reading the essays (they were personal narratives), there was one that a popular girl had written. it was about how she had been suicidal and cut herself. i cried. But that was encouraging for me, because sometimes i feel that way too, and it was nice to not feel alone.

but then there were really funny ones, too. like the one about a guy singing the national anthem for extra credit in middle school, but puberty took over and his voice cracked every 5 seconds, but how he persevered through it. the funniest thing.

formal night

yeah. formal. every girl’s dream. the magical night in which they get to be a princess.

so i’m not going. i’ve told everyone that it’s too expensive. which is legit, i mean, it’s $60 for the ticket, another $60 for a date, plus the party bus maybe $40. a dress and heels together probably $100. and all that’s true, that’s definitely a factor in why i’m spending the night in sweats.

but the money argument isn’t really legit. i mean, i’m cheap and good at saving money. the ticket would have been unavoidable, but i would have found a way to skimp on the party bus (i know friends….), and as for the dress, i know i would probably have borrowed someone’s. same for the shoes.

the real truth is, i’m not going because i’m too shy. I’m socially awkward (just a tad, hah, that’s an understatement) and i worried that i would spend the entire night as a third wheel, and awkwardly not dancing, and just not having fun. guys don’t flirt with me. it’s a fact.

and it’s because i can’t bear the embarrassment of going stag, but i’m too scared to ask anyone. i don’t really have any guy friends, or any guys who would remotely want to go with me, i don’t think. oh, if i asked someone, i’m sure they would say yes. but they wouldn’t actually want to go, at best it would be a pity yes, and then the whole night would be awkward anyway because social events aren’t really my forte, and neither is dancing. which is a problem, because it’s a school dance. and after my english teacher told me of a time her date started crying….well, let’s just say my date wouldn’t be the one crying…

so that’s why i’m not going. and i swore to everyone that i would go next year. and i still have yet to go to a school dance. but hey, this is just a day in the life of me. oh, the crazy stories i’ll have to look back on. hah.

water polo over, friends and acquaintances, miserable chinese new year

last week of water polo. i have to say, i’m a little sad, even though i sucked completely and indescribably, i still enjoyed playing. our last away game, i only played like a quarter and a half, even though i played well. *sigh*

last home game, we scream-drowned out the other team’s parents. trolololol

last practice was fun, we did the shooting game again. 1 hit cap = 1 less bodybuilder. we went from 40 to just 10!

so that was that.

school was not too stressful. Writing an essay, nothing really happening. I even had time to go running with the preseason crew. we only did 4 miles easy. I have the worst luck of going on all the recovery run days.

and actually, i’m definitely getting more comfortable with them. before, it was always so awkward. i think it’s because i’m so close now to friend DM. she’s probably going to be one of my besties…..it’s hard to not get close to someone when you play three sports with them. and when you see someone all ugly….running all sweaty and red-faced, and makeup free and freezing during polo. it’s great. I couldn’t go makeup free in front of ANYONE before, so i guess water polo was good for one thing.

3rd is ok. i don’t think MC likes me, for some reason. I don’t have any actual friends, but i would say that no one hates me, and most people like me in that class. I’ve got people to be partners with and talk to and joke with, and that’s good enough.

4th is same. a cheerleader girl who’s super nice and i always partner up, so that’s good.

5th, same. they are all juniors, but i talk to them. 6th ditto. i actually remember that thursday and friday this week were really good in particular just because a bunch of people talked to me that usually we don’t talk much. that’s all you really need.

also, my delia’s order came. the flats are uncomfortable but sososo cute, so idk; the tom knockoffs are amazing and such a good deal, the swimsuit top was a really obnoxious pink (returning, definitely) but the bottoms were floral and adorable; and finally the grey ‘jeggings’ were so tight and stiff that when i for them to school (assuming they would stretch), i couldn’t feel my legs after 1st period and i had to call my mom to bring me leggings! definitely returning that too….you know, i haven’t worn actual jeans in over a month. and i can’t think of a day in the past month when i didn’t wear a hoodie, or actually looked GOOD. i’ve got to try harder…people are going to think i’m an ugly gross person who doesn’t shower or something.

piano went ok this morning. it’s ironic; last week i practiced hours and hours and she freaking shot me down, and this week i barely practiced at all and she applauded me. i should just stop.

oh, and my brother’s foot is doing well. i get to help clean the wound and stuff, and it’s kind of gross. i get this weird feeling in my stomach, which needs to stop because i’ve been telling everyone that gory stuff doesn’t gross me out.

my mom’s friend got hit by a car while my mom was walking with her. she broke her leg and got surgery, but she looks totally fine. My mom was freaking out about it.

tonight is chinese new year, which is apparently like christmas and thanksgiving put together. millions and millions of people are traveling home to eat with their family, and my mom freaking left us tonight to go a church party. me, my old grandma, my dying grandfather with cancer, and my pitiful dad. dad’s sitting on the couch watching tv. my grandparents are too nice to say anything, but you can tell they are sad that they’re alone tonight. this may be the last new year with laoye, and she left. sometimes i think that this whole reborn christian thing is all just social, and she just wants friends. which is great, but….i feel like we don’t come first anymore.

my dad is pissed. Which is just so hypocritical and ironic i could just die. when did he ever do anything for my mom? he was the one that left to eat out on chinese new year’s last year.

oh yeah, and the lawsuit is over. we sort of won. they declared bankruptcy a while back, so we pay all the lawyer fees. and after 10 years of fighting, we ended up with our land back again. yay. nobody wants to buy it.