intense piano failures

so this weekend was a 4 day weekend, and instead of going out, i stayed in my house like an antisocial gopher and practiced piano. for hours. HOURS. i should get an award.

and it was good practicing too. like, i downloaded all the songs and listened to them on repeat and then i wrote a frikin ANALYSIS for each one…yes…and then i tried my very hardest to do each piece justice. not fun i tell you.  a lot of self control to keep from screaming and smashing the table.

i really thought i was improving. i was trying so hard.

and yet, after all this work, today the teacher just told me i sucked. the pieces were screwed up, what was i doing, there was no way i am going to pass. and i believe it. 

ugh. life. it sucks.

so, you know, of course my great mother sits there and freaking LAUGHS and makes derogatory comments. like ‘hah, well she never practices.’ OH PLEASE. shut up.

she talked the entire way home, too. you know what i say to that? nothing. earphones in. volume up.

got home and ran up to my room and locked myself in. couldn’t hold it in anymore and i sobbed uncontrollably for 2 hours. 2 hours that could have been productive. i don’t know what i was doing. 

forced myself to get out for lunch and it was like it never happened. nobody will ever know. i’ve become a master at keeping these things in.

because there’s piano to practice, homework to be done, chores to do, parents to please, and money to be worried about.

and there’s no time for stupid little emotional breakdowns.

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