Stress

So like two posts ago I’m talking about how breezy school is.

And here I am, eating my freakin’ words.

I. Am. Stressed.

I have a math test on Tuesday that I debating over whether to try to study or just accept the F. I have an English project due on Wednesday with a hopeless group that seems to think that the fact that we haven’t done half the assignment is fine, just fine! I have a stupid bottle rocket that I don’t even know how to begin due next Monday. I have a history project that I haven’t even started yet, due next week as well. 

Outside of school, but still school-related, I have the Track and Field banquet on Wednesday, which is bound to take at least 2 hours, but that I must go to because I have to see them hand me varsity letter. I have Band Leadership interviews on Friday, which I am completely freaking out about. I have a club interview as well, to be secretary. 

On Saturday I have the Chem SAT subject test, bright and early at 7:30. After not even thinking about chemistry for an entire month, I failed the practice test with a raw score of 40. 40! How did that even happen?!?!

After the Chem Subject test, I go to my last piano lesson. Ever. In my life. It’s shocking to think about. I don’t even know how that is going to feel.

After that, I rush to the volunteer performance thing for the autistic kids.

After that, I rush to my last piano recital. Ever. Where I play last, as the grand finale. And even though it’s just a recital, I have to make it amazing, first because it’s my last ever and I want to it right, but also because I’ve gained a reputation for being amazing among her students and it would be absolutely humiliating if I screwed up now.

AND I have to take my Driver’s Ed test, and the Health final (yes, that health course that I finished 3 months ago and totally forgot about). AND I can’t even do anything tomorrow because 1) it’s Memorial Day, and I have to go to this church thing, and 2) it’s Memorial Day, so I have to hit the sales and search for my stupid Interlochen uniform that is ridiculously hard to find. I mean, where the heck do you buy light blue socks? Or a bright red crew-neck sweater with no logos or embellishments at a reasonable price….in the summer?! 

AND my grandpa has cancer. You know, that sort of changes things.

Everything is just coming to a close.

But c’mon, life. You are stressing me out here. 

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‘Friend’ TM

She is the frenemy.

We meet first day of school, old best friends from 3rd grade, and I’m stoked to find out that she’s in two of my classes.

The first month goes fine.

Then she starts to ignore me around campus. She ditches me while we’re walking to go talk to other people. She pretends she doesn’t know me. She always agrees with me, though, until someone says something different; then she’ll agree with them.

I finally realized what was going on. TM was a social climber. Totally insecure, she wants to be popular, to be liked. Which is fine, I guess, except that in the process of doing so, nobody likes her.

Why? Because she’s totally flighty. Nobody knows who she really is because she keeps changing to please whoever she happens to be with.

She also has this annoying tendency of picking out her perceived most ‘popular’ person in the group and latching on. And you know what? It makes her seem shallow, superficial, and insincere.

She fine to talk to alone, but when I’m with friends like AD or SS, who are ‘popular’, everything I say is suddenly stupid. And you know what kills me the most? While she saying how stupid what I just said was, she doesn’t look me in the eye. While she’s responding to ME, she stares at SS, or AD, or whoever else is with us, and just giggles under her breath. Like she wants them to laugh with her, but she doesn’t want to go into a full-on laugh, because if they don’t laugh, she doesn’t want to look lame. And they never laugh, because her comments are totally stupid.

This is made even more hilarious by the fact that she’s completely stupid herself, and never fails to make dumb comments or questions, while failing all her tests, while I try to help her understand the material. It’s the most obnoxious thing. Why do I bother trying to be nice?

But it honestly doesn’t matter. I’ve started to just shut her down every time she tries to diss me, just because I’ve had enough. It’s extremely funny to stare her in the eye and point out  subtly to everyone that she’s completely fake, which is proven by how she never has any response to that. And everyone knows it.

Cancer

Not going to lie. Just going to cut to the chase.

After coming back from China to see all his relatives for the last time, he comes back. And the cancer tumors have gone from 2 all the way to 20, and have grown in size.

We can’t even do radiation anymore. They’re changing the plan back to chemotherapy, even though that didn’t work the first time around.

The doctors say he has 6 months to live.

And the worst thing is, I’m to self-absorbed to go into that room and talk to them. Every day, I say hello to them, I say good-bye to them, I make conversation about the food, and then I tell them good-night as I give them a hug. And that is the extent of our interaction.

I feel horrible. 

Days Go By

School is honestly a breeze right now.

For example:

Chem: Tie-dying shirts. Yes.

History: Watched Mulan; now watching Hotel Rwanda (nearly sobbed).

English: Read poems outside in the grass.

Spanish and Math are still happening, though. Actually, in math, I’m screwed for the next test.

Other than that, though, school is nice.

 

AP World!

Aaaaaannnddddd now, I give you the reason I have time to write this. AP World is officially over!

I’m really happy with this, also. I mean, last week, I was completely sure I would not pass. I was completely lost. When track finally ended, I was able to roll my sleeves up and bear down on the AP World review book my cousin left for me. 

It was so amazingly helpful. I mean, no offense, but my history teacher is not the best, so I was pretty lost with what was going on. There were just too many terms and random kingdoms that all got muddled in my head. The book finally let me see that hey, history has patterns! And things sort of connect! Amazing. I almost enjoyed it.

I crammed Saturday night. And all day Sunday. I sat down and read the entire AP review book. all 600-some pages of it. Monday, Tuesday, I read it again. And again. And again. Monday night I added in some crash course videos to the mix after each section, and when I finished, I went through the entire crash course world history playlist again, listening to it while brushing teeth, during dinner, and as I fell asleep, exhausted, my brain crying. Tuesday I took my final (and set the curve! BAY-YUM.) Wednesday I gave myself essay topics and planned each outline for 10 minutes each.

Thursday (that’s today) I woke up early, totally calm, went to that test and bossed the multiple choice. Muddled my way through the essay. Murdered my hand and came out of that room victorious, a victor in battle, ink smudges marking my calloused pinky. Hair disheveled, leggings and t-shirt uniform worn in pride, like a flag: I took the AP world test today. Joined the ranks of those sophomores before me, the veterans of the test. We beat the system. Hell yeah.

Now I get to have a life again.

Track League Finals

Sooo Track league finals were last Friday, and I was just so swamped I didn’t post about it! Overall, it was a great experience, but obviously I barely made the cut anyway, so it was a surprise when I didn’t come near placing or anything.

100m hurdles I got 7th out of 8, and didn’t PR. 300m hurdles, I knew I was doomed from the very beginning, and I got dead last. Again, did not PR. It’s ok, though. I mean, I’ve improved a ton this season, and I’m definitely happy with where I am on the team. I mean, last season I only got sub-19 twice, and now I’m in the high 17’s every time. That’s a huge improvement! And in the 300m, I run a consistent 51, which is 3rd on our team already! And just to think, last year I ran 59 (jogging to the finish line), then swore I would never run it again! And I got a varsity letter this year, which is definitely a plus!

Obviously, I didn’t make CIF. Only freshman CM did, but that was totally a given.

It was fun and on the way there and back I got to bond with everyone, most importantly friend JR.

Yeah. I’m not mad or anything, just I was over track by then, and ready to start cramming for AP world. More on that next.

League Prelims!

We had league prelims today! I wasn’t really nervous at all, since I had already seen their times and accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to advance on to finals. Also, since it’s the top 2 of each heat and then the next 3 best times, and I was in friend CM’s and NB’s heat, I’d pretty much let it go.

But then, the 3rd-best girl hit the hurdle! I ended up with 4th in my heat, but I was in the top 9 overall (I had a really fast heat, it turns out), and I made it to finals! AND GOT A VARSITY LETTER!!!! whoooooottttt

300’s didn’t go so well. I got 4th in my heat, again, but not a great time, I don’t think. I don’t know about that one, though, since they didn’t put out the results for it yet.

On the way back, I talked to SB (got her number) and MG. We had the funniest conversation about our crazy, dysfunctional families, and apparently I thought mine was weird; theirs are crazy! Not sad, like mine, but just funny. Like, SB’s family apparently walks around the house butt-naked (no joke. seriously.) and just lets it all hang out. And MG’s brother stands in her room at night and freaks her out. It’s funny because I know both of their brothers.

So, good day overall.