Summer Social Life: Weeks 1 and 2

Alright. This is a heartless list of the past two weeks.
Friday of school/summer: went to a pool party with a group I didn’t know that well, but I had MB, SS, MM, and KW, along with KS and AD. All the other some 30 people…nope.
Saturday: spontaneous beach day with MM, and where I met up with PD and some of her quiet friends. MM was so late that they left before she got there, but whatever. We talked for real, which was nice.
Sunday: Father’s Day. I left church early to volunteer at that chamber music thing, where I FLIPPED PAGES AAFKABJASLKJD
Monday: I think I chilled at home and figured out what to do with my summer. In N Out interview, also, I think. Skyped with ML.
Tuesday: Class for the first time, along with a Salvation Army interview.
Wednesday: Class.
Thursday: Class.
Friday: I honestly can’t remember.
Saturday: Volunteered at that thing where I fell in love with LA’s eyes, met PJ, and got to know KD. Started desperately learning the chamber music.
Sunday: Weekly PD run, but gym because I’m injured. Volunteered at that thing where I hung out with SNK C and barred AJ because of a misunderstanding. I think KD started texting me.
Monday: Don’t remember much from the day, but I had my first guitar lesson with AS for like 10 minutes. PJ starts texting me.
Tuesday: Class.
Wednesday: Movie at the library, sleepover with MH and MB, no SS 😦
Thursday: Uh….made plans with KD? Gave random guy a ride home.
Friday: Met up with CM and YM at a family concert with KD. PJ and a friend showed up. Danced oddly; it was a blast. Ice cream after.
Saturday: Took a walk with AD, sat on the curb and caught up for 2 hours. Asian party, KD walked over to crash. Guitar hero and kareoke.
Sunday: Weekly run without PD, because she’s gone. Church, practice, then met up with CP, WB, and his grandma at a restaurant for a jazz concert. Bueno.
Annnnnnnnd that’s it.


This is interesting, because it captures how I felt exactly. I was doing all these academic things, and succeeding. 
And then I talked to WB a bit, and it got me thinking.
He does so many projects for himself – not for school, not for really any point, but just because they interest him. 
I’ve realized that I need to do that, too. I always try to be ‘productive’, and it’s come so that I choose homework over doing things that would make me a more complex, developed human being.


APRIL 25, 2014

Sam Krovocheck

Age 19, Milford, Mass.

Writing, Pratt Institute

I’VE BEEN READING “A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES.” It’s really funny. I’d never heard of it before, you know? Before it was usually just Russian writers that I was reading: Leo Tolstoy and Fyodor Dostoyevsky and that stuff.

This year I feel like I’ve been learning, but I haven’t been doing much. I haven’t been really working on my own writing much. It’s just been what I’ve been handing in to class — academic stuff. But next year I want to work more on my own writing, maybe submitting it somewhere or starting something. Maybe my own literary magazine. Start distributing my own ’zine. That’ll be my motivation — start a project.


Creds go to this link:


Forgot to mention one thing from the last post.

LA is hot. Very hot.

He has the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen – greenish blue, and huge. He got this chiseled face, and he’s super tan, and he’s got this easy surfer vibe about him. He’s even got the voice….he sounds exactly like PGF MC.

That is all.


Can I just talk about last night? And ignore how shallow I am?

Volunteered at an event. I got there, caught the eye of this cute guy, but kept going to check in. And you know what? He was my volunteer partner.

Well, yay 🙂

Let’s call him LA. He was so easy to talk to – we carried easy banter the entire night. We got each other’s number in the first hour.

This guy from his school came up and awkwardly stood by us, and I asked LA why…LA told me that that random guy was into me. Um…okay? But since LA is totally hot and completely nice, I wondered that if he thought other guys were into me for no good reason, did he think I was hot?

And he made this joke – I asked him what he wanted to do (we had some free time), and he responded, “I don’t know, make out for half an hour?” I gave him this ‘come on’ look, and he laughed sheepishly. This is shallow, because I literally met him that night, but I would have been totally down for it. 

The night went on. Turns out we have a mutual friend, KD, so he called him up and KD showed, with some other guys – one, PJ, and some others. They were all really, really nice to me.

After we were done volunteering, there were people dancing – we just joined in. Why the heck not?

LA left, and I walked around the town with KD and PJ…after a bit, PJ had to go in a hurry, but he looked me in the eye and said “I’m really sad that we didn’t get to talk tonight, but…” and he went to pull his phone out. I stopped him – he really was in a rush – and he said “Here, I’ll just get your number from KD, and we’ll talk more later.” And I just kind of went along with it – sure…?

KD and I walked a bit more, and he actually opened up to me – about being friendzoned, about being rejected, about how LA apparently made out with his ex, and about moving all over his whole life – nightmares and fears.

Oh, and another thing.

Earlier in the night, the guys had been whispering while I wasn’t looking, and doing that punching each other thing, laughing.

KD told me that PJ was single.

Later, he asked me where WB and I was…I almost told him, but I brushed it off. “We’re just friends,” I said. And we are…

A bit later, he asked if I liked PJ. Just in general. I told him yes, because I really do. PJ seemed so genuine and sincere – he left in an emergency because his friend was in trouble. And from what KD told me, he’s a loyal guy and a great friend to KD – not the type to just ditch him ever. And then he asked me if I would actually text him back. And I said yeah, why not? 

And then he got this sneaky face and did this eyebrow thing and I just kind of ignored it.

Guys are such hopeless romantics – EC, WB, ML, and now KD. It’s adorable. 

Drove home, got there around midnight…I don’t think my parents know about curfew.

WB Dream

Ok, WB’s not even in it at the beginning.

I’m underground, in a bathroom, and the light is yellow. I sit down in a stall, when I hear this talking in the next stall. I don’t know who it is, but it sounds like they’re getting high.

I go quiet, but they realize that there’s somebody there. I start to panic even though it doesn’t seem like a big deal. I get out as fast as I can, but when I come out, there KS, my friend. She doesn’t seem to recognize me, but she’s totally burnt. I look in the other stall, and there’s AD, who’s also totally burnt. I run out of there a fast as I can. 

I walk out of this underground bathroom into the underground tunnel. Sometime while I’m walking, WB shows up and we talk – our typical random, interesting conversations. I tell him about the bathroom scene. He laughs, and I laugh.

Sometime during this, a lot of people have showed up, all from my school. We’re all walking in the tunnel, and WB and I are walking together, talking. We all come out into the fresh air and stop – to watch something, I think.

There’s a lot of people, and I keep walking at my own pace – WB starts to get lost. When we stop, he puts his hand on my left shoulder and pulls me towards him. I look back, confused, but he does it again. I’m comfortable with this. MG (in band) walks by me, and his profile looks strangely like WB…CP is next to me, chuckling – he knows what’s up – and MC EMC’s bro is on the other side of CP, and MC jumps up in front of me with his sassiness and asks “How do you not notice him when he’s being so obvious?” I look back at WB, and he’s smiling, and he puts both hands on my shoulders and pulls me towards him. And it feels so good. He pulls me out of the crowd, around the corner, and as he’s pulling me he says “Whenever you want, ____”. I’m confused – “what?”, but I’m laughing and smiling. And he repeats it, smiling, too. 

And then we’re face to face, and we’re looking at each other, when MC comes and totally ruins the moment.

I don’t quite remember what happened next, but it seems that everyone gets into the pool to clean up all the balls and bits of random things and whatnot. I jump in, too, forgetting about WB – I don’t think he jumps in. WB’s ex is in there, too, having a blast. We’re all cleaning the pool and the water is warm, and WB disappears from my consciousness.

And that’s it.

Here’s what I think. The bathroom scene is kind of like KY (previous post, people) – I’m scared of the corruption that could happen.

I think the WB part is obvious. I’m totally crushing and there’s no way to deny it.

I don’t know what the pool is about.

There were odd parts, but honestly, just because of the WB part, it was such a good dream.


So, I’m a terrible person.

First day of class, I was doing my extroverted, friendly act. The one that pulls in tons of people, and that I’ve learned to use. It’s very effective. It’s partly become my personality, because my personality’s definitely changed significantly in the past year (starting with, but not completely because of, Interlochen), but that’s a subject for another post.

I met KY. He was nice. He was a bit of an outsider, but it was the first day, and everyone was very awkward and quiet (except for me doing my extroverted thing – which is why everyone was drawn to me. Very predictable). He waited outside while I talked to the teacher for 10 minutes, and then we exchanged numbers. I noticed he was a bit of an outsider, but because of my recent outlook on others, I treated him like anyone else.

And he is extremely nice. He went out of his way to help me find my car, invited me to come do homework with him. All very chill.

But my stupid remnants of my younger, insecure, selfish self are obviously still hiding around in my mind, because although I treat him totally normally, I still think differently about him.

His skateboard has a cuss word on it. He has habit of adding the word ‘shit’ into every sentence – I don’t think he even realizes that he says it. He mumbles. He just looks like the type of guy who, had I not talked to him, I would probably avoid. Out of…what? Fear? I don’t know.

I hate to say it, but I’m slightly scared of him.

Does he do drugs? Does he watch porn? I know nothing. 

I’m ashamed that these things even run through my head. I could blame it on my mother’s teachings – she’s long judged solely on appearances.

After all this ‘improvement’ in my view of others – all my work on empathy and being less self-centered – it’s only to people that I see as friendly. Beneficial. 

How frustrated I am with myself.

Because honestly, the only one I can blame is myself. But I’m also the only person I can change.

JW and my Music Tech Prof

JW. Remember him? Awesome guy, my Yoji bear, made hilarious faces, gives great hugs. His voice.

Well, man, when I met my Music Tech Professor, I gotta say: I really liked him. You know when you get that feeling? Like, this dude is awesome.

Today, I was sitting in class, and he pulled this funny joke that really maximized his persona – because that’s half of pulling off a joke – and he gave this face and he used his voice and IT HIT ME.

JW and and my Music Tech Prof are one and the same.

It’s like time warp.

Man, I miss everyone.

It’s like doppelganger.