1st day

of school!
CP brought me lunch. In a brown bag. With a smiley face and my name on it. Made with love, from his mom. SO GREAT.

Classes went pretty well, all around. I have friends in my classes that I haven’t had classes with since elementary school – we squealed about that just a little too much 😀
All in all, I’m absolutely stoked about this year.

Oh, can’t hurt that SNK C brought me a random keychain with my name (written incorrectly) on it. The thought’s what counts. Plus that totally made my day 🙂

WB’s been awkward, as is apparently normal now since last week.

YM’s been giving me big hugs 😀 Which is enough to make my day, anyway.



I just finished the week of band camp.

I think I talked to WB a total of 5 times. And not even actual talking.

Yeah, we hung out on Tuesday. But when we’re with other people, it’s like he purposefully ignores me. It sounds like I’m being melodramatic, but I’m actually not. He refuses to make eye contact. He’ll talk to anyone but me.

Pathetically, his dad is friendlier than he is. His dad will walk all the way across the field to give me a joking shoulder punch or a hug and say hi to me. Which always makes me a little happier.

But honestly, I’m sick of whatever WB’s doing. I’m frikin’ annoyed. Almost pissed, thinking about it now. Are we even friends? What type of friend does that?

WB Dilemma

Ok, here’s what I’ve figured out.
I have a crush on WB. I can’t deny that.
I’ve actually always had a crush on WB. It wasn’t anything until last spring, when I got to know him. I’m at a point in my life where I want a boyfriend. I think WB is a perfect guy, and would make the perfect boyfriend.

I’ve been denying this crush because I genuinely love having guy friends. I’m also a bit wary of the time commitment required to have a relationship.

I don’t know if he likes me. Because of the way I’ve treated him – not badly, just not like I’m interested that way- I think he’s been purposely keeping his distance from me. Purposely sitting farther away, not talking to me right away. Not seeming eager, honestly. Either that, or he really actually doesn’t have a thing for me. So, I don’t want to get rejected, and I don’t want to make the first move.

But finally, when I’m honest with myself, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose WB. I don’t want (when things inevitably don’t work out between us, because I seriously doubt I’m getting married to someone I meet in high school), to lose WB as a friend. So I stay in the middle ground…safely friend zoned, and not anything more.


Band camp.

We both saw each other when I arrived late. We didn’t say anything, but he came over, awkwardly, as he does, and dropped his fork into the utensil pile. Looking directly at me, he said, “I didn’t use it.” After I nodded a bit confusedly (…why are you telling me this?), he stated (yes, stated. That’s how he does it.) “Hello, ____,” to which I said “Hello, WB.”

We didn’t sit next to each other in the morning, as usual, he slightly ignored me. Or lunch. Or dinner. Although, when I sat next to CP and ND up on the high bars, he came up, as well. But not next to me. Like one person over.
Actually, he does that. He’ll sit one person over, and join my conversation.

Our first actual interaction, he came up to me with this book he’d told me about. He opened it to a chapter and let me read it. JL joined in just ‘cuz.

And then stargazing.

Okay, stargazing. When I was lying next to MG, JS, and KM, the topic of WB came up. We’d walked to the restroom together, and when we came back we got 3 people hungry for gossip, to which I ignored. In front of WB. I can’t help but wonder what he was thinking when they asked.

So a bit later, when they had me alone, they pounced. “Okay, what REALLY happened back there?” MG pressed, spurred on further by JS and KM. After a bit of convincing, they finally accepted that nothing had happened. But they weren’t done yet, apparently.

So many questions. Did I like him? Would I date him? And then MG said it: “He really likes you, you know that?” To which I sat straight up and looked him in the face and sputtered, “What?!?!” And KM and JS nodded and while I denied, they affirmed. And MG said something like, “I hung out with WB last month and trust me, I know.” What does that even mean? And they mentioned prom. But we went to prom as friends…

Goodness, I don’t know. When they asked me, would I date him? Inside I was saying yes and no simultaneously, but of course I told them I didn’t know and then I took the 5th.


Shooting stars

Band camp was fun, in general.

Really, my favorite part was after the campfire, when JL, CP, TI, ND, WB and I all just sat in our chairs, tipped our heads back, and looked at the stars…I never see stars back home, because of light pollution and all that, but out in the campgrounds, there were so many. And so gorgeous.

After a bit, WB and I, with JL and TI tagging along, went out in the grass and lay face up, looking for shooting stars. I’d never seen one. The sky is so big. Sometimes I forget.

WB and I talked about religion, life, I don’t know. I love talking to WB. We just talked for an hour. I spotted my first shooting star 🙂

Inevitably, other people crashed our party, and I ended up doing cartwheels and random handstands for a bit. After everyone’d settled down into a gossip fest (which I am so not into), I just continued by myself. I entertained myself for a bit by just doing 10 cartwheels in a row, falling over in dizziness, and gazing at the spinning stars and enjoying the feeling of spinning. I’m sure everyone thought I was crazy, off in the dark.

I lay on the grass and star gazed by myself for quite a bit. Just thinking, humming…

Inevitably, other people crashed my party. Out of pity or curiosity, I don’t know. But I ended up talking to MG for quite a bit – I’d never actually talked to him, and I was actually pretty surprised when I invited him to lie down next to me to point out a constellation, and he actually did. We talked, making up our own constellations and naming them. Just talked. I like him, actually. Easy to talk to.

After a bit, his friend JD crashed our party, and when MG left a bit later, JD stayed. And we talked, too.

And then I went over to JL and WB and the other big social group, and JL moved over and yelled at me to lie down so I did. And I had a bit of fun messing with MG, who was telling some story. And we looked at the stars.

Stargazing does crazy stuff to your personal boundaries.

Camp Counselor-ing – The Asian Trio

The first day was so awful.
I wanted to curl up and cry in the corner, like one of the kids. Scratch that, two of the kids. Maybe three.

I must admit, I pick favorites.
The three Japanese, non-English speaking kids.

MK is the (semi) responsible older sister – she’s 8. She’s intelligent – she picked up quite a lot of English in a week. I remember she’s a kid when she spent an entire hour bringing me dead plant leaves to chop in half. That seriously entertained her.

YK is the middle child who reminds me of YM (in his looks), but who’s evolved into quite the mischievous smart-aleck. When he was messing with his recorder inappropriately, stealing quick glances at me out of the corner of his eye, gaging my expression, pushing my patience. I would stand up threateningly, and he would quickly put it in its case and look up at me, smiling…and I would relent. My goodness. He also ordered a good 20 markers in a perfect rainbow. I took him to the bathroom with another kid, and I heard him telling the other to ‘wash your HANDSSSS’.

MS is the adorable young one – three years old, maybe? We thought he couldn’t write, but he fooled us all. His expression. All the time. His eyes. Are. Priceless. He always followed his siblings, and he had this troublemaker side, as well. He taunted his brother with his popcorn – doing the ‘you want it? PSYCHE.” I couldn’t believe it. This same angel frequently crawls around on the floor to pick up markers and whatnot, then orders them helps us clean up while the other kids play. When he fought with his siblings and I took him to sit on a different mat to separate them, he went ape-crazy and ran back to his normal mat, and proceeded to behave beautifully, ignoring all his sibling’s harassment. OH MYGOODNESS SO CUTE. He always wants ‘wah-duh’ and to go to the bathroom (which he shows by coming up to me, saying ‘baf-oom’, and looking at me with those anguished eyes. Ah, to be a kid again.