Ok, here’s what I’ve figured out.
I have a crush on WB. I can’t deny that.
I’ve actually always had a crush on WB. It wasn’t anything until last spring, when I got to know him. I’m at a point in my life where I want a boyfriend. I think WB is a perfect guy, and would make the perfect boyfriend.
I’ve been denying this crush because I genuinely love having guy friends. I’m also a bit wary of the time commitment required to have a relationship.
I don’t know if he likes me. Because of the way I’ve treated him – not badly, just not like I’m interested that way- I think he’s been purposely keeping his distance from me. Purposely sitting farther away, not talking to me right away. Not seeming eager, honestly. Either that, or he really actually doesn’t have a thing for me. So, I don’t want to get rejected, and I don’t want to make the first move.
But finally, when I’m honest with myself, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose WB. I don’t want (when things inevitably don’t work out between us, because I seriously doubt I’m getting married to someone I meet in high school), to lose WB as a friend. So I stay in the middle ground…safely friend zoned, and not anything more.