Quote

About Andre Watts, pianist:

“Eyes of fire and ice dominate his face – the effect dictated by his mouth: When he smiles, his eyes possess the warm gleam of a beneficent monarch; when not, the same eyes chill with a cold, intellectual stare.”

From the Christian Science Monitor: http://www.csmonitor.com/1982/0429/042945.html

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Advice from Al’

My dear Albert,

Yesterday I received your dear letter and was very happy with it. I was already afraid you wouldn’t write to me at all any more. You told me when I was in Zurich, that it is awkward for you when I come to Zurich. Therefore I think it is better if we get together in a different place, where nobody will interfere with our comfort. I will in any case urge that each year we spend a whole month together, so that you see that you have a father who is fond of you and who loves you. You can also learn many good and beautiful things from me, something another cannot as easily offer you. What I have achieved through such a lot of strenuous work shall not only be there for strangers but especially for my own boys. These days I have completed one of the most beautiful works of my life, when you are bigger, I will tell you about it.

I am very pleased that you find joy with the piano. This and carpentry are in my opinion for your age the best pursuits, better even than school. Because those are things which fit a young person such as you very well. Mainly play the things on the piano which please you, even if the teacher does not assign those. That is the way to learn the most, that when you are doing something with such enjoyment that you don’t notice that the time passes. I am sometimes so wrapped up in my work that I forget about the noon meal. . . .

Be with Tete kissed by your

Papa.

Regards to Mama.

Gah

It’s just that WB’s moved on, KD’s moved on, JL sometimes just is nice out of niceness, BT’s much closer with other people, and I don’t even know if there’s a single person who would say he or she is my best friend.

I guess BT opened up yesterday with our first actual conversation and KD and I talked at midnight because he had a sucky night and yeah I know I have friends but I crave closeness, you know? Consistency.

I don’t have consistency. People come and go with the weeks.

MB

I went to go ice skating with SS and MB Friday night (forced into it – being antisocial, SS called me and spent a bit of time convincing me to go).

So I ended up going, but not skating, mostly because I didn’t want to and when MB didn’t want to either, I jumped at the opportunity to skip out. We walked around the mall, messing around.

I asked her a question. Something to give us a break from dancing wildly to bluegrass music, as we were lying there.

You know what she said? She looked me dead in the face and said, “Too deep, girl. Too deep.” She said it in a light tone – still joking, still with the screwball attitude we’d been in. But she meant it. Stay surface, she meant. Stay fun.

So different from WB, in which I told him my most frustrated feelings as we left the driveway.

I honestly wish MB and I would talk more deeply. I wish a lot of my friends and I would talk more deeply. I don’t like staying surfacey.

KD Surprise 2.0

So I woke up today with a sore throat, a runny nose, dry eyes, and an achey body. Wonderfulll.

That meant I had to ditch my morning swim plans for a walk. So I took a long barefoot walk, in which I listened to Mahler’s 2nd (Resurrection) in its entirety and all but the last movement of Shostakovich’s 7th (Leningrad). So that was great, actually.

Came home, practiced a bit but it was miserable. I settled in with the AP Lit reading around noon, but ended up sleeping for 3 hours. Solid.

In the entire day, my productiveness was limited to finishing homework for one class and memorizing about 3 lines of my contemporary piece. Wow.

But here’s what made my day. First of all, KD texted me the typical evening ‘hey, what’s up’. Which I’d been starting to miss, because it’d been a week since he last did, and I was beginning to think he got tired of me. Anyway, I told him I was sick and miserable (yay optimism).

So a bit later, I’m practicing piano and the doorbell rings like crazy. Like the way I knew it was WB yesterday, I knew it was KD. I just knew. Opened the door, and he’s standing there with a box of Cheezits and man, that seriously made my day. I gave him a hug even though I totally wasn’t wearing a bra and my hair was all wet and I looked like hell. It was wonderful. For real.

He’s a worthwhile guy.

WB Walk Reality

I’d been texting SS, deciding whether I should take her up on her offer to hang out that night (being the anti-social person I am, I was really leaning towards not – I have to practice!). I remember feeling guilty while thinking that, had it been WB asking to hang out, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

About 10 minutes after I got home, the doorbell rang. Suspiciously. I both hoped it was WB and knew it was WB at the same time, yet when I peeked out the curtain and saw him, I was still shocked. Couldn’t stop smiling. Ridiculous.

“I have two hours to spare, so do you want to go for a walk?”

Um, YES. YES. YESYESYES.

“Hey, sure, I guess.”

We walked and talked and just caught up and I spouted my feelings and everything that’s been cramped up and building inside of me. And he said I’m genuinely nice (which is legitimately one of my goals) and so many things. And I told him how I wished we talked more. It was interesting – he said he didn’t really have conversations at school. Which, I guess, is true.

I think the reason I like WB so much is that he inspires me to be a better person. So much so. I told him he could come anytime, because I liked it when he came. I like being around people that make me feel like I’m becoming a better person just by being around them.

He ate dinner here (at my mom’s insistence and somewhat overbearing hospitality).

He got in his car, closed the door, and started to put on his seatbelt, when he suddenly got out and said “Hey, remember when you said you liked genuine hugs?”

To which I basically yelled, “I love genuine hugs.”

And then he said, “Well, I really want to give you one right now,” with the biggest smile. And then he gave me a genuine hug and man I love genuine hugs and man I miss WB.

So, if you read my last post, I guess it’s actually a dream come true.

WB Walk Dream

Oh my goodness. Let’s start with the dream.

I had a dream a few nights ago. We were in some sort of building, Spanish-style architecture, square shape. I was set on telling WB about my feelings for him. I asked him to go on a walk. I think he was surprised. We went on a walk and talked, and then someone called him and he got distracted and we went back.

A bit later, I asked him to go on a walk again. The same thing happened. We talked and I never got the guts to say the thing.

And once more.

And then I woke up.