An Honest Inventory of My Friendships

Sooo I talked to KS for the first time in…4 years? Ever? Not sure. It was such a feel good moment, but not in the same new-friend-rush as with WB. It was the old friend; re-bonding, with an emphasis on the ‘re’. She’s got a darker life than I thought – financial and emotional problems, just being so much tougher than I’d ever imagined. I have this new respect for her, and despite her flaws (and there are many), I want to keep her close…just one of those people I really want to know and be close to. ENFP all over.

Also, I went star-gazing with YM and had really the first conversation with him, as well. Not quite as much, because honestly, I may or may not see him as slightly more than friends (or I’m insecure about how much he wants to be friends), so there’s that. He’s another of the want-to-know people, but he’s so difficult to get to know, I feel. He told me he’s not always jolly, like he seems. Like with ED, I feel like he has this nice-ness almost as a defense mechanism, so that no one knows his home life or problems, but also because he’s the kind of person who doesn’t want it to be about him. I guess I was kind of like that. And, honestly, I have no idea what Myers-briggs he is…my intuition tells me I, but he’s outgoing, even if it’s just because of his kindness. F, I think, because of how he was with his girlfriend. I wish I knew him better.

I called KD and ranted to him about my mom, sort of asking for advice just to justify my call as more than just a rant. Also, drama. I feel like there’s always miscommunication between us, because he’s so wrapped up in people and social traditions. With the whole Myers-Briggs thing (which I’m embarrassingly knowledgable about), he’s an ESFJ (with an S to the max. Actually, an everything to the max.) I feel like I need KD to boost my self-esteem – to text me, to hang out, to be all warm and friendly and awesome. But his values and the things that matter to him, and how he goes about them – they’re so different from mine.

I’ve been texting WB and he’s actually been responding regularly, I think because I basically complained that he takes hours to respond. It’s funny; I think our whole relationship was based off of this ‘don’t let the other know how much you like them’, so there’s always been this sort of disconnect. It’s something that annoys me to the core, and I’m working on it. We’ve invited each other to a few things, which is a start. Myers-Briggs? Um. ENFJ, but the T is questionable, and the J’s become a P, and he’s pretty introvert-y often, and he loves working with his hands. I really, really don’t know. I feel like he’s been raised in such a perfect environment that most glaring flaws that usually give away certain traits have been prevented, or mitigated. I am both hopelessly envious of and constantly attracted to him. Don’t take that last part sexually. Attracted in the same way I’m attracted to certain people; I really want to know them inside out and I want them to know me.

PD and I’s relationship bothers me a little – no substance. I’ve never actually talked to her. We kind of just need each other for our weekly runs, and meaningless banter. S all the way. J all the way. I think T. E or I, not sure. I tend not to mesh with S’s – I seem them as short-sighted and bogged down with things of daily life that don’t matter. But then again, I think I’m an S.

BTW, this post started out as just about KS; the titled changed around four times.

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