Sooo visited my bro K today for lunch, and his friend came along.
And his friend reminded me so much of ML. Especially from the back. But also his face, and the way he talked, and the way he carried himself, and, oddly, his calves.
So of course, I had this attraction (again, not sexual) towards him. Like, I really, really want to be friends with this guy.
We hung out over break, and now, it seems that he’s avoiding me.
I’ve never seen him dislike anyone (although, of course, he does – I’ve just never seen it), so this is really, really odd for me. It was just…he’ll greet the person I’m with, but not me. And he won’t make eye contact. It’s just…cold, and so unlike the YM I used to know, who would tap me on the shoulder and say hi every day.
This has upset me, and I think more so than if it’d been someone else. Because it’s YM. Awesome, kind, nice guy YM. What did I do? Did I say something that one time we hung out?
I guess that, combined with the fact that I’ve recently been feeling pretty down about my friendships in general.
I love AD to death. She’s one of the reasons that I question religion and morality – she’s a wonderful person. Really. But she’s quite promiscuous, and a slew of other things that don’t quite fit the Christian mold. But I just can’t see her going to hell.
Welllll, I had a memory slip, the piano was disarmingly stiff and quiet, and the professors, on break while I talked to the auditionee after me, told her that she’d done ‘beautiful playing’, then and walked right past me. Here’s to hoping that they just didn’t recognize me in my jeans and tank-top.
I have the flu, and last night apparently I had a fever.
I’m outside, at a piano, and my piano teacher is standing off to the side with a bunch of people/peers behind me. It’s scorchingly hot and dry, and the glare of the sun and sweat is blocking my vision. Brown and yellow, and dust. I can barely see my hands, and the entire world is throbbing. I’m playing my college repertoire, butI keep making memory slips – I can’t even remember how it goes. My piano teacher tells me that it’s too many; I’m not going to get in like that. She’s disappointed in me.
The whole group walks up along the road in a huge line. I’m dying of thirst – I need water. I see several water fountains along the left, so I make a break for one. It’s one person, running towards a fountain, the huge line of people, and the leader yells at me. I get water anyway, and I drink it and drink it, but I’m still thirsty.
My goal is to sleep through the turn of the year. Yay for introverts?