CP came over today for a little something, and he brought his girlfriend. Nothing extraordinary, really, but I will say that I very much noticed that he had a girlfriend. No PDA, nothing…just…yeah.
Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.
O ME! O life!… of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.
Just a particularly good day.
A pleasant surprise of a late start for school. So, delicious breakfast of squash and some Jane Eyre, as well as a solid page or so of the concerto.
Just tons of energy at school, with people and whatnot. Greeting and jabbering to everyone; I couldn’t help it.
JL gave me a ride home; had a job interview; GOT THE JOB FIRST JOB WOOHOO
Got a call from a professor to tell me my absolutely FRICKIN AMAZING AID PACKAGE FOR COLLEGE WOOHOO
Oh yeah and she really likes me? WOOHOO
Car shopping (a bit tiring, that bit, and not happy-making), and mexican food. This was all eh but WHO CARES WOOHOO
“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”
― J.D. Salinger
So I deliberately skipped a social event that WB went to. Spent the night proud of myself for my resolve, ashamed of myself for feeling like a loser, alone on a Friday night, and finally, disappointed in myself for my pettiness.
My mom talked to him – he apparently made polite conversational inquiries about me, and my mom told him what was going on in my life. Which somewhat annoyed me. I’m moving on from him; denying him access to me (not that he wants that anyway). And now he knows everything I’ve consciously not let him know – all my ‘moving on’ activities; my new WB-free life. It’s like it’s contaminated, or something. I don’t know. I’m ridiculous.
Anyway, he talked to me at school, and I couldn’t help it; I responded. I figure, treat him like an acquaintance; be nice. But don’t initiate contact. Yeah?
Forgot to mention; got into one of my top schools a few days ago. Screamed a little, walked around with a grin plastered across my face all weekend and did no homework. Paying for that last bit with some good’ol 1am homework time (yay for sleep-deprived essays that don’t make sense in the morning), but totally worth it.