Flying out to visit tonight (!!!)
It’s all being blown up so much and I really can’t handle it – and then the fact that I’m crying over this makes me realize how pathetic and petty this all is, and then my mom tries to cheer me up by talking about growing up during the famine and fighting her way to America and all her wonderful mentors, and that really doesn’t help me feel great about my crying over college after growing up privileged and lucky.
And I know that no matter where I go, I’ll either question 1) whether I went because I truly wanted to or if I went to please my teacher, or 2) feel guilty for being selfish and trampling over feelings. I mean, my teacher’s been my mentor, almost like my parent, and to have such a person be so angry and accusatory at me…I really don’t know. I see where’s my teacher’s coming from, but I also see the false accusations.
It’ll be an interesting May 1st.