Think Walks

YM and I went on a walk the other day, and we talked about religion and family issues and relationships, and we laughed and it was all so easy, with no tension, no feeling judged and no pretending to be something I’m not. Was it ever like that with WB?



I have no sense of humor.

I feel convinced that I had one once, but I don’t know where it went.

I spent the evening at a school comedy show, and I had to force every laugh. I went home, did some research on humor, watched a few comedy shows with a straight face. I recognized every joke in a analytical way, and found none of it to entertain me.

I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

Band Concert and WB Relapse

I’d been doing so dang well. And then:

The band concert.

My goodness. It was basically ‘WB with band,’ because he had solos in basically every piece, as well as a piece that was entirely a solo for him with occasional backing from the jazz group.

And you know what was frustrating? He sounded amazing. Obviously, I expected nothing less, but watching him rock the stage and having everyone fawn over him…gah. I spent the entire concert vacillating between wanting to be friends with him again and try again, to being angry that he was having a perfect life without me, and finally to being completely pissed at myself for even being absorbed in the petty issue in the first place.

After, his entire family found me one by one to hug me and talk to me…I love his family. I’m going to miss them so much. And he hasn’t talked to me in months.
Highlight awkward moment: His mom says something along the lines of “He’s going to miss you so much! You guys have to hang out during breaks and whatnot.” To which I smiled and nodded and cried a little inside at the irony.

And taking second place for awkward moment: My mom insists that we take a picture together. We look at each other, and, in a flash of eye contact, acknowledge the fact that we’re not friends anymore and that this picture is a show.

Perfect Pedalling

So useful ahhh

Melanie Spanswick


We all know there’s no such thing as ‘perfect’ piano playing, but hopefully these tips might be helpful.

The sustaining or damper pedal is one of the most important assets for a pianist. It adds another dimension to the piano timbre, and can provide a whole variety of sound layers. The most commonly used pedal, being the furthest right of the two or three pedals on a standard upright or grand piano, it’s played by the right foot (as demonstrated by my foot in the photo above). When depressed, the sustain pedal literally moves all the dampers away from the strings, which allows them to vibrate with ease, and they will continue vibrating until the sound ceases, or the pedal is released. Look inside the instrument and watch the dampers (on a grand) being lifted as the pedal is depressed.

It began life as a hand stop, examples of which survive on some of the…

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Perfect Guy

So, a while ago, I met perfect guy at an admitted students day. I saw him first at an event, where we were debating world issues. I’ve decided that I need to find all my future friends at events like these.

Anyway, we didn’t talk that night, but I noticed him. He had an intelligent, thoughtful little resting smile to him, like he had big thoughts about the universe and read philosophy in his free time (I was apparently right – philosophy was his intended major).

Later on, we met again and ate lunch together. We talked and HE WAS SO FRIKIN AMAZING I think I fell in love right there. Or fell in obsession. Whichever. He’s thoughtful, interesting, and kind…

He took my advice and tried out something I liked. He wanted to hang out with me. He was so easy to talk to, and so humble. He seemed like he really wanted to keep in touch. He waved eagerly when he saw me at a pre-law meeting. And I’ll never forget how he came to sit next to me at the show and asked, “how was your day” as if he really, really wanted to know the answer.

We texted for a while after, and then he committed to a different school, thus breaking my heart. And that was that.

But Perfect Guy, I’ll never forget you. </3