Oh no. Oh lordy.
Let’s put it right out there: I am attracted to a post-doc at the lab.
This is obviously a problem, because he’s 28 years old (I remember purposely guiding the conversation towards his age when I first met him). And I’m 18. On the way home, I kept thinking about how 5 years ago, I was 13, in middle school, writing ridiculous blog posts (which are delightfully still accessible on this blog partly because I’m sadistic and partly because I feel it’s my duty to always have the reminder that that was me). 5 years ago, he was 23, a PhD student.
But I can’t help this.
As of a few hours ago (when I realized that I was attracted to him), I have that can’t-stand-this feeling in my stomach – I want to talk to him and have in my company so bad.
Our relationship, from the start. He completely ignored me, completely absorbed in his work as I socialized around the lab, until I showed curiosity in his project. “I’ll show you my work sometime,” he mentioned as I left.
He was recruited to monitor me clean up a station.
I started saying hello. I want to remember the time I was slicing a brain and I greeted him as he walked by, and he did a double take, leaned over, and did this little wave because I was an adorable little kid to him. And the other time we passed each other and he did this head nod of approval that was so cool and collected, but from his reserved personality, I felt like I’d won the jackpot of friendship.
He asked if I was coming to the lab meeting, and when I wasn’t, he offered to present it to me later.
We were sitting in our aisle and talking with everyone. YHl was talking about himself, and ADl started to voluntarily talk about himself and give me advice. He showed me his project and talked for an hour. When a medical student came to visit the lab, he basically ignored her and taught me. And when she left, he basically kept teaching me more things, and it was like it was just because he liked me as a person. I just kept shadowing him for the rest of the day, and he joked around with me and was honestly such a great teacher. So excited when he talked about his project – I would ask a question, and his eyes would just light up.
Didn’t seem adverse when I implied an out-of-lab hang out.
I mean, I’m technically 18. Nothing would be illegal here…right?