I guess, if you’ve been following my influential relationships for the past few years, you would be well acquainted with the roller coaster that is EMC, and the rocky road that is WB.
EMC dropped a huge text bomb on me, just as I had come to terms with the relationship. She acknowledged the troubles we had (the most recent ones – the tail end of senior year) and oh gosh, I don’t know.
I guess we just had too many classes together senior year to keep ignoring each other. So I tried. I tried to have her back in my life. But she’d moved on, and was too close with too many of my mutual friends, without actually being friends with me, and it hurt too much – I pulled back. To avoid getting hurt, I guess. Too late. I got hurt anyway.
I called her, and we talked. Don’t get me wrong – nothing’s fixed. It’s just out in the open now.
“So…what now?” I asked.
We don’t know. We won’t be friends, I don’t think. I don’t know how I feel about having talked about it. On one hand, hearing it come from her – that she’d noticed – that helped. At least it affected her, in some way. In an unhealthy sort of comfort, it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one caring and being hurt by this relationship.
On the other hand, it re-opened a wound that had just closed. I’d finally moved on. I’d finally started building relationships and circles sans EMC; I’d finally come to be at peace that we were separate. That’s dashed to bits, now.
We had a rocky relationship through senior year, as well. Come to think of it, I was very much alone this year partly because I’d leaned on WB so much before, and having that disappear was like falling into nothing. It was EMC from freshman year, all over again.
We’d fixed it, WB and I. Talked it through, completely, and worked things out.
And then he goes and tells EMC about it.
I don’t know.
Maybe I’m being melodramatic. But the thought of WB talking to EMC, the one person with whom I’m tense with, about me, and about the relationship between WB and EMC…it just hit such a sensitive chord for me. When I’d worked things out with WB – that had been so hard for me. I’d told him everything – all the insecurities that got in the way, all the problems; I’d made myself completely vulnerable to him. And to have him sit over lunch with EMC and casually talk, and sit there and discuss me to her, the most private and dark and hidden part of me, just hit me so hard.
WB, what I told you was private. I trusted you.
You blew it.