It’s the mid-afternoon. He saw my message this morning, when I checked, neurotically.

I’m sitting at my desk, reading a very depressing, very screwed up book for homework. Maybe it’s affecting my mood a little bit. Oh, whatever, it’s totally affecting my mood. This was the reason I was a screwed up kid with no identity of my own – I took on whatever I had read last.


My phone’s been silent for a while, which is another story. WH, my unofficial best friend here, went to a sports game yesterday. Without telling me. Not like he was obligated to or anything, but I’d thought we were best friends.

Not even AM’s texting me. I’d kind of blown him off last night. Consciously not invited him to my plans. I’d planned to hang out out with JS. What a joke.


In the bathroom, wondering what I would do if JS tried to contact me. Assuming he wouldn’t. Hoping he would. I would tell him that he was a jerk. I would go ape shit crazy like the psycho girlfriend I’m not supposed to be yet. Yet. I would act blasé. No expectations, no disappoint. That would be a lie. It really sucks that you blew me off, asshole. You blew it. I’m going on a date with someone else. Don’t talk to me.

My phone dings. Facebook messenger, not a text. JS only uses Messenger. Either that, or it’s my chamber group with a stupid thumbs up emoji or something. I dive for my phone. Words drop down from the top of the screen.

“I was so exhausted…”

“Went out for just a bit…”

I stare at it for a long time, waiting for more to come. I don’t open his message. I lay on my bed. My phone is silent.

Published by unknownandanonymous

A journal written for me, by me. Bonus points for me if other people like reading it.

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