AYl Dream

I guess this needs some context.

Went on a second date with JKm, and we spent the night cuddling. He mentioned the future a few times. After that, we started acting like a couple. No label yet.

Seriously thinking about how to end things in the best way with AYl. What’s stopping me? I’m selfish. That’s it. AYl is just so good at making out, and part of me wants to have that when I go home. The other part of me wants to give a real relationship a chance. Because where could AYl and I go, really? An 11 year age difference, a 3000 mile geological distance for 3/4 of the year. I wouldn’t marry him – I know that. I’ve been texting him – I wanted to text him for no reason for a bit, so it didn’t just seem like I was only texting him to break up.

So my dream.

I was walking back from somewhere, on the right side of the sidewalk, when I notice a car following me. I recognize the profile, and I recognize the hair, and when I turn, it’s AYl, come to visit me from far away.

Sinking feeling.

He’e ebullient, energetic, excited, much more than he ever is in real life. He’s meeting all my friends here, he’s charming them, and he’s being great. He’s so…dad-like. He’s wearing a crew-neck sweatshirt in bright orange, with an 80’s sleeve cut. And faded jeans.

I act excited. I semi-ignore him and act blasé, like I tend do with guys whom I’m not sure about but don’t want to throw off completely. He doesn’t notice. He keeps talking about the future.

I find out that we have a kid. My kid. Somehow, she’s blonde, and she’s the same age as me. I’d met her as a fellow student at college. I’d hid her her entire life. Also, I’m Fergie somehow, and some people found out I had a hidden kid when I took her to a Jazzercise class for pregnant women / young mothers. (Not fucking with you here. And no, I don’t know what that means, either.)

So, yeah.

Published by unknownandanonymous

A journal written for me, by me. Bonus points for me if other people like reading it.

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