On Being Slightly Excluded

I like people. I love certain people. And it is because of this that I am a floater.

Really, it’s because I 1) am very choosy with my true friends, and 2) really only want to / enjoy spending time with my true friends. Friend groups have never really been my thing, because I like one-on-one time. I like getting to know someone so personally and in-depth that it’s fascinating. I am terrible with banter, especially in a group. And finally, it’s quite rare that I truly want to get to know everyone that is present.

So I float.

Being a floater comes with downsides. It’s like being a freelance worker. No job security, no retirement benefits. It’s always a search.

And while, through this format of making and choosing friends, I’ve become close friends with essentially all the people I ever wanted to be close friends with, it also means that I don’t have a place to belong to. It’s easy to feel lonely.

This summer, I made a conscious decision to try to join a group. But even though I almost succeeded, it was never quite complete. Group chats were made without me; I was sometimes not in the core group invited to events. If two people out of five have invited you, are you invited? If you are invited by speaking and not on Facebook, are you really welcome? And when ‘the crew’ is mentioned, are you in?

Or out?

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2 thoughts on “On Being Slightly Excluded

  1. I feel a bit like this too. I have a few ‘friends’ that I can go out on a night out on but never really anybody that I can call a ‘best friend’ or someone I’d see quite a lot or could talk to about my issues.. bit shit

  2. I really resonate with this post specifically and I hope things worked out with either “true friends” or trying to get into a coveted “friend group.” I don’t know who you are and I don’t know how you found my blog, but I’m glad you did. Your poignancy and honesty is refreshing.

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