He’s been acting so weird. Never – and I mean never – excited to see me. He used to light up when I walked in the room, and now it feels like he’s speaking to me out of obligation. And he makes all these disparaging comments that are jokes, but pointed, cruel, too-true to be ironic, masked stabs. And I’m just not a priority.
I can’t believe I thought of rooming with him just last week. During break, I guess I just forgot how weird things were between us. It’s so much easier to be friends from afar.
We were so tight the first few weeks, and I don’t know what happened.
That’s incorrect. I guess I sort of know what happened. Feelings got in the way, and continued to get in the way even though we both don’t acknowledge them. And then I depended on him too much as a friend – more than he planned to depend on me, after he’d ruled me out as a girlfriend. And while he drew away, I just kept – keep – pulling.
And I’m thinking it’s just time for me to stop trying so hard.
And yet, I’m so dependent on him – for homework, for someone to eat with. And it’s taking such a toll on me. When WH gets on my mind, I get deeply sad.
I have to distance myself, but I can’t distance myself physically – only emotionally.
As for talking to him? I don’t know. From what I’ve learned from WB, talking fixes things. But I can’t force him to be friends with me, nor do I want to make him feel obligated towards anything. He wants to pull away. I have to let him.
So I guess that’s it, then.