I probably haven’t mentioned ES on here at all, because she’s a bit removed from the rest of the people I know here, although she’s still among my four closest friends.
I hung out with her tonight, and I think I can finally start to say I am beginning to wrap my head around her.
A bit of background: I made an effort to get to know her at first partly because she was so kind, partly because she was so intelligent and insightful in class, and (after talking to her for more than 10 minutes) partly because I realized she was absolutely fascinating to probe.
Every sentence of her nonstop, even-fired words revealed another ridiculous, could-not-be-true tidbit of her seemingly fantastical life. Combined with a casual modesty, the effect was off-setting. I became determined to prove her wrong; to prove that she was lying. I pointed out random holes in her stories, asked for proof, checked her references. I couldn’t believe she existed.
And yet, I never got to know her. Time spent with her left me in a good mood because of her kindness, but befuddled and somewhat frustrated because of my lack of understanding. I was never satisfied. I couldn’t pin her down. She talked and talked and it was only until recently that I realized she’d never quite answered my questions.
But today. Today, I confronted her and forced her to talk about herself, truly, and presented to her her own oddities. And I finally got answers.
Positive driving factors, but none negative. A lack of remorse, psychopathic tendencies. What she described as a constructed, conscious kindness in the place of an innate one. Keen insight into other people – what I saw and then some. Friendship vs. knowing someone well vs. knowing someone emotionally. Caring about something/one, but not being emotionally invested.
Very, very interesting. And although I got some answers, I still can’t describe her fully like I can other people. More to come.