I’ve been comforting people all wrong.
Case in point, I called JKm and he did two things incorrectly.
- He didn’t have time right that second and he asked to call me back in five minutes because he was playing a video game. Yes, it’s irrational. Yes, it’s needy. I didn’t fucking care. For the first time, I went to him first when I needed someone to be there and he couldn’t be what I needed.
- He wasn’t outraged. I’m angry at something that just happened, and I vaguely have a right to be angry. I called him to rant. And I realized that I didn’t want advice, or comfort, or someone to tell me that it would work out. I wanted someone to be outraged with me and complain and be irrationally angry. I wanted someone to yell WHAT THE FUCK at every detail I spouted just so I could yell I KNOW RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK right back at them. And he just…wasn’t that. He tried to tell me why it wasn’t so bad. He tried to solve the problem with suggestions. JKm, I can do that myself. I am capable of thinking. All I wanted was firm, immediate, no-hesitation validation, and I didn’t get it. I left the conversation feeling vaguely judged and that I had inconvenienced him.
And now I know.