I sometimes wonder if it’s normal to constantly ask myself if I should break up with JKm.
I just have this nagging suspicion that he’s not the one, and that I should get on and find the one. And yet.
Part of what’s holding me is that I’ve seen other guys, and I know other guys, and I know JKm is an exceptional wonderful boyfriend. He’s genuine, and kind, and he’s serious about us. In staying with him, I am protected from the horrible hell of the dating world. I already think it was a fluke that he wanted to be with me – will I ever find anyone to match him? Will anyone as good as him ever like me again?
And the other part of what’s holding me is, of course, that I think I love him. And I care. And I can’t crush him like that.
Lately, he’s not been putting me first. And he shouldn’t always. And I can act cool with that. But I suppose I’m so used to him dropping everything for me, it’s a change now.