On One’s Essence

MlH said something that really resonated with me. She’d reinvented herself when she came to college. But in that process, she’d become confused about what was really her. Was the old self her? Was the current self her? Had she pretended for so long that she’d made that become her?

On my part, up until very, very recently, I couldn’t even really articulate what my true interests are. Now, I still have very few true ones. And simultaneously, I can’t be sure whether I am truly interested in those things, or whether I’ve simply convinced myself that I am for the sake of being an interesting person. I think I truly see the identities of my closest friends, the true essence of them. Why can’t I see that for myself? Can others see it in me? I crave that.

I need someone to tell me who I am.

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