the first night he was the tall friend of a guy and I noticed and that was that the real first night he was the tall guy who I semi knew and who I stuck with when the party died “you’re chill as fuck! let’s exchange numbers?” the club going and not really expecting anythingContinue reading “a timeline of the good things”
I am angry at him. How could he not want to talk to me again? I still want to be there for him. Nothing blew up between us. How can he have this right to resent me?
Today was the first day I felt normal again. It’s fall, which takes me straight back to this time last year. The brisk air, the peacoat pulled out far too early and too eagerly. I bounced to class across campus with WH by my side. It’s the same and it’s completely different. I talked toContinue reading “3 days later, 12:40am”
It had to end eventually. That is my rationale, and it is correct. JKm was waiting for the natural break at the end of this year. This was never forever for him, either. I did the right thing. I did the right thing, and this is proof, no matter what happens now.
from that night, I want to remember, if nothing else, this: JKm is lying by my left side; I am sitting with my knees drawn up. we are thinking, independently, of the last year. I turn my tearful face from the sky to his. we look at each other, bare. open, for the last time. we bothContinue reading “2 days later, 6:08pm”
and I latch on to that I have that at least he will forgive me eventually
the last time we were at this park? we were over there, lying down. the world was full of so many possibilities. especially for you and now
and another friend of his walked by and I looked down and walked past before she stopped and complimented my hair and I flinched because she doesn’t know yet she will never smile at me again
I just saw his friend who always says hi to me and he looked away so fast and he walked away and I called out his name and he flinched and kept walking but please I just want to know how he’s doing and the world spun
I want to touch him and call and ask if he’s ok as if I were not the problem as if this was just something that stressed him out that he could vent to me to but that’s gone it’s gone my god it’s gone