and through these

friends of mine and through these friends of his I have gathered that he is doing fine, a little down but totally fine, and that he’ll get over it soon

that was a relief the first time I heard it

but now

I should be happy – was this not my goal? I don’t want him to suffer. but I think I know that I wanted him to miss me a little – I wanted to mean something to him. I wanted us to have meant something to him. but every news I hear from him is a slap in the face – is he really doing that fine? didn’t you tell me it took you five months to get over your last three month relationship, JKm? we were together for a year, JKm. tell me that meant something, JKm.

he told his friend that he missed having someone to talk to. someone? having someone? was I just a vessel for you? was I just a blank girlfriend for you? was I not someone special? do you not miss me?

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