acid trip journal

[on computer]

tennyson’s too long

I can hear every detail, like the door squeaks are visceral, and putting in headphones is kind of like there’s music and there is nothing else and there’s never been anything else

And it’s difficult to explain but there’s just a sort of depth to the music that perhaps is always there, but it just feels so much more visceral and immersive while on acid.

Like the layers you see on the walls? It’s like that’s the music, and you can reach past some layers and touch other ones, etc. They’re tangible, not imaginary.

Maybe lsd takes you into the place where the imaginary feels tangible and real and capable of taking up physical space

Which means really that I’m diving into the mind

but the mind takes up physical space

a slight excitement, almost unbearable, originating from the stomach, almost physical, perhaps it is in fact physical

an unbearable desire to move, an unbearable desire to stay comatose, an unbearable desire to leave the body completely

newspapers clipping like pearls

cars or eyes

painting leaves with acrylic paint

self-conscious, self-reflexive mirror selfies, swirling the angle of the camera so that the pictures move; self-reflexive in that the pose changes change the framing of the photo itself; then many of them together in the photos app is like a step away from that circular feeding of information


[on phone]

everything slightly blurry

less sense of cold

almost ignorable sense of cold

zero care for other’s perceptions of me

odd sense of depth perception

trees are like webs, or living floating veins that I can choose to get lost in if I stare long enough

I thought I was just not looking at things clearly but then I realize when I focus everything moves

it’s actually cooler if I’m completely still so I can see the total effect by itself

my only complaint is that I lose track of time and then I realize I must have been edging myself into a spot world for several long minutes

one spot worlds

acid is like finding entire worlds in each little thing you focus on

or constructing entire worlds in each little thing you focus on

like I can construct a world from the trees and then choose to get lost in it

or I can construct one from the phone screen

or from the square doors in jos

although I think at this point anything ordered frustrates me; I don’t want any part of that; I want to float away from it and get lost in something that pleases me

12:24 of 1983 takes me to another fucking place

trying to think of how acid trips are so very solitary — it’s like buying a vacation to inside your head, or just letting your head play with itself

like I really don’t need or want people right now

thinking of what sex would be like

thinking of texting jackson and suggesting it

thinking of what acid would be like with another person who wasn’t taking care of me – so that it would be a journey together, like I’m a glowing sphere of crazy activity hurtling through black space, and just imagine bring another one in

almost like his head and his mind would be a thing I could stare at long enough for and get lost in and explore

really I just want someone to swirl through the music with and explore the physical space of the music with

I like tennyson because they literally create physical space in their music

literally the “um” girl voice around the 2 minute mark in “like what” made me physically get off the table and respond to a girl who was kicking me out of the room that wasn’t there

coolest shit to do list again – put on melody’s glasses and grabbed a blank white board and created lines

more and more lines became 3d maze puzzles I could get lost in

I would create them and then get lost in them — drawing meant literally creating my own worlds worlds simply now just being things I can look at and get lost in

can create my own worlds

doesn’t matter that the end process is shit, but the journey and the immersive maze experience is dazzling and honestly enough I don’t anything else I’m ok with this just lasting forever

and then my hand travels through as I am creating

it is simultaneous this exploring this experiencing and this forming

half the magic is in moving my head and everything shifts so that in real time as I’m wandering through the maze with my hand the paths suddenly change and then there are three hands doing what my one is

found the way to fix the feeling of needing to leave the physical body! drawing my way out keeps the body moving and forms a physical space to free that same energy in

it’s expressive energy, not just experiencing energy, which must have been what I was previously limiting myself to

art is a lot of doing things abstractly and with no real reason really, and that trail you blaze is the one people try to follow when they analyze it retroactively

but the creating of the trail itself is not necessarily thought out without cracks – it is just thought out

for sober me — try physically going into space of the music. lying back and staring at ceiling helps. pay attention to where exactly the sounds are coming from in the headphone and really get lost by feeling your way there. hear each layer of a harmony and each individual breath

art idea: video of self, multiple videos layered, different textures, same lines, angle shifting

music idea: music that creates a physical space


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