quick sober reflection of my trip
hit fast — 20 minutes in or so. realized that the unbearable sense of anticipation in my stomach was, in fact, drug induced, and not really just excitement. it’s the only slightly unpleasant part of acid, and it stimulated me to do something.
lsd also made me extremely solitary; I practically ran from my friends; I wanted to be completely, utterly alone. I took a walk with MH’s crazy refraction glasses. I sat on the floor of the campus center staring at lights. I walked to AM’s dorm with him but kept getting sidetracked by trees — their webs were like nervous systems I could stare myself into. the expansive garage that MC suggested held no interest to me — there was nothing to look at; I wanted convoluted things. I walked to the late-night eatery, where there were people, but I was satisfactorily alone. I sat in a chair alone in a daze of sorts for a bit, then hopped over to AM’s room for a belated and dazed goodbye, then headed out into the night on my own. I ended up in a room on the 5th floor of another building, where I lay on the table and listened to music in a daze for an hour or so. I felt a need for action and creation, so I snagged a whiteboard marker and drew my consciousness into the the lines that I drew, creating a world to stare myself into. MH’s glasses were magical. I walked to the bathroom and took some pretty experimental selfies, walked out and to the campus center again for more dazed selfies, then walked to the basement of our dorm and lay there listening to music in a daze for another hour or so. The smart part of me dragged myself back to my dorm, where I ended up listening to the entirety of this and reading this until 6am, when I finally willed myself to sleep for 3 hours or so.
some things I learned for next time:
create! create! creating is terrific and gets all that anxious energy out that comes with lsd and puts it to productive use. honestly, I think that anxious energy is just creating energy. want to get an actual paintbrush for next time.
play music — like, I should play music myself. that’s on the to-do list.
go out during the day. I can’t believe I’ve never done that.
be alone. be totally alone. you don’t want to talk to people, and people an inhibiting anyway. acid is a selfish endeavor.