but here I am!
MH and I have been weird this semester — shifting friend groups and different schedules, maybe. But also silence that is more deliberate omission than secret.
Experiences matter to me, and otherwise there must be words. We have neither, really, although we do have the odd gesture of care —
But omission, I think, is the worst of it. I hate the quiet of a disagreement, the silent judging. I want a riotous discussion; I want the chance to make my intentions clear. I want questions, not assuming acceptance and resentment.
Is this wrong of me? I used to think it was a flaw of hers.
AM mentioned to me a comment about me by a friend of his. Over some casual, frivolous party disagreement. A nothing conversation.
“She really can’t see other people’s views.”
I remembered that conversation. And he was incorrect: I saw his view perfectly clear. I understood it. But I had disagreed. Is it wrong to communicate disagreement? Why does that translate to a narrowmindedness? Is it my tone?
Or are they right?