other than that I just hung out with three people, one of which is a friend, and the other two of which are previous ‘co-workers’ who are really quite amazing and sweet, witty and confident and wonderful, and yet I can tell that there’s a distance between us, that I cannot be friends with them. And the question then is whether that is because of myself or because of the self I was at work, which was simply not the first impression that did me any favors, quiet and reserved as I was. It oscillates, to be honest: on a good day, I know with all my heart that I am a decent conversationalist though not an expert by any means, but a genuinely kind person, occasionally funny; on a bad one, I wonder how people that I so genuinely like and admire can so subtlety feel and subconsciously communicate that somehow, I am not the type of person they would like to spend time with two weekends from now. It’s not been a great few days. Hopefully being with friends, talking to friends — hopefully this weekend will turn things around.
As much as I wish otherwise, I seem to need socializing more than I tend to think.