I want to see him, I think, but for some possibly self-destructive reason I refuse to. Am I looking for something wrong?
It’s not that we are too good. It’s that we are simply good, with a healthy tinge of non-heaven that I, because I am me, use to slit paper cuts into the back of my neck, at just the right spot where your torso is too long to spot it when you cradle my healthy,Continue reading “10/30/17, 1:34am”
At a presentation for Taiwan-Chinese relations, and I can’t help but feel conflicted. It is naive. It portrays the entire conflict as a facade as a problem of ‘lack of understanding’ and ‘differences of human needs’, fixable with ‘human connection’. They likened the problem to an ‘onion’, in which economic power, independence, and national identityContinue reading “10/26/17, 3:09pm”
Last night, HJ asked if he could sleep over at X’s. Naturally, she felt insecure again: this was too much X for HJ; surely, something was wrong. She said yes. They talked little, touched little: X finished up a homework assignment as HJ scrolled through his phone. Post-hopping into bed and turning off the light,Continue reading “10/03/17, 12:54pm”
X is scared because she just had a self-destructive thought. Not that these were unheard of; X was full of self-destructive thoughts all throughout her pre- and semi-adulthood, but X had thought she was past it and that one had popped, small and innocuous, into her head as she got dressed, she knew, was notContinue reading “10/02/17, 1:26am”
X is having a bad night. Earlier HJ invited her to hang out and she began to get paranoid, because Why does he want to suddenly spend so much time with me? The insecure, big, small X thinks he is trying to prove something to her. X doesn’t like that there might be something toContinue reading “continued, already”
I’m with HJ and S, studying in the library at our school. I scroll through Facebook and notice a series of posts by AM, racking up, as always, hundreds of likes. They are a series of poems, each a horrifying portrait of me: my insecurities, ugliness, inconsistencies and secrets laid bare through AM’s eyes, whichContinue reading “dream 09/28/17”
Yesterday, HJ told X he’d been having dreams about hooking up with men. It had started in the middle of summer. It had transitioned to real thoughts about physical sexual experiences with men as he walked around during the day, as he looked at their bodies. X thought she was thoughtful and supportive. She askedContinue reading “a short story, tbc”