I found this old post from last semester and think it’s quite interesting my tweaked relations to these people.

An edited list

people I have thus far successfully collected and the remarkable quality I probably was drawn towards

ES – a whole host of bizarre mannerisms, combined with her apparent ADHD-style genius –> kind, just so kind, with a family I slightly dislike but it clearly has made her empathetic

AM – a deliberate drive for intellectual curiosity –> no longer friends; unintentionally elitist in a condescending way

YM – a similar sense of self-deprecating humor and an empathy like no other –> bad at comforting people but otherwise my soul mate; we are slightly fractured but trying

MH – a keen, nuanced thoughtfulness and certain instantly respected air –> keen and thoughtful but also emotionally damaged (much like me!); we are trying

MS – a sharp wittiness and a promising streak of artistic genius –> condescending and elitist and bad for me because I don’t have time for people to whom I don’t matter and so we are not even friendly

people I’ve wanted to collect

HJ – an ease, a warmth, and an intellectual streak –> my parrrttttnneeeerrr

MSh – a fascinating, hyper-intellectual gregariousness, although petty and immature at times –> sure

IC – a talent for poetry and performance and theatre and a somewhat repelling force against the petty girls on my freshman year dorm floor –> after years of her avoiding my eye contact, I’ve given up

MC – an unexplained solitary ease, an admirable tendency towards fascinatingly individualistic activities –> sure, but also the kindest person ever + empathetic

JH – similar to MC, but music oriented –> sure

EP – similar to MC and JH, but open and gregarious and quirky –> sure

ZL – JKm’s friend, unfortunately, but just so kind and dorky –> sure

MD – JKm’s friend, again, but very MC-like –> even more so!

JB – AM’s friend, another individualistic ease and outward drive for adventure and impact –> kind of a privileged white asshole who is wildly entertaining and charismatic but frankly that doesn’t cut it anymore for me

ZH – random guy I met that was AM’s friend; sharply witty in that jewish way –> sure, hella privileged though

AV – mysterious on social media and adorably awkward in person; musically talented –> awkward, so awkward it’s amazing and hilarious

JS – do I need to describe him? well-traveled, well-read, and insanely developed as a human being –> flakey and opaque in a way that points more to the fact that he is deceitful when his dick is involved that any sort of personality quirk

AjM – individual, and yet seems like the kindest person alive –> eek, who is this?

EL – went on spring break trip with him; can be summed up through this exchange with AM: me – “I like him a lot, but I feel like I don’t know him”; AM – “he probably feels the same exact way” –> love love love

FF – a drugged-up ease, an intellectualism, a vague sense of floating through life, and a crazy music talent –> really quite a dick but somehow my hate is mixed with admiration for the aforementioned qualities

VC – a mellow, unassuming, and yet so apparent kindness –> has disappeared completely (seriously, where is he?) but I still love this guy

adding on:

?? – my CS ta who stayed with me for an hour after hours had ended; HOW FUCKING KIND DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO DO THAT; saw him dancing at a party with abandon so nerdily with this girl and he was so happy and I’m in love

EJ – art and china when art and china are half my being

CL – best friend of EJ; art and art and new york when that’s the other half of my being



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