a video of HJ

I didn’t think much of it in the moment. I’d spent the afternoon reeling in two distinct housing crises as he watched and offered sympathies. We were about to leave; he’d just finished changing. This is the video: it opens up sideways. It fumbles until it’s right side up, trained on HJ, still a littleContinue reading “a video of HJ”

another part of that conversation

Wait so…but…that first movie was platonic, right? Oh, yeah, that was totally platonic. And then what about the second one? Was that platonic? That was absolutely not platonic. Ha! I had no idea. Really? Do you do that with tons of people? I have guy friends, you know. I guess. I was so nervous, youContinue reading “another part of that conversation”

that conversation

Why are you smiling like that? Oh, just every time you look up at me it’s hilarious. But you also just smile when your eyes are closed. You smile in your sleep. Well, with my freshman year crush next to me, how could I not? Wait, what? I was your freshman year crush? Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah.Continue reading “that conversation”

HJ and events

HJ and I were sitting on the floor of his dorm the other night, talking pointlessly to fill the two hours we had, when the topic of dating came up. He’d realized, he told me, that a lot of his dating had been interview-like for far too long, and after he’d noticed that, they’d alwaysContinue reading “HJ and events”

a quick memory, because I know I’ll enjoy this in the future

we’re standing  on the first floor of my dorm; I’m walking him to the door. I’ve stopped on the second to last step of the stairs; we kiss sweetly, the same height thanks to the steps. there’s a slight lull as he’s about to leave and my lips part a little as my eyes smile;Continue reading “a quick memory, because I know I’ll enjoy this in the future”

there are no more moments alone

and when the time comes I hug first JH and then WB, and he walks behind me and wraps his arms and we prove we are still fluid; he lifts me up and backwards with a huge closed-mouth smile and I squeal, laugh, crinkling my eyes as JH looks on; it’s a pact: somehow bothContinue reading “there are no more moments alone”

more thoughts on romantic attraction

if I am specifically romantically attracted to ease, does that explain all my past stumbling? I think I require a deliberate show of intentional affection. And does the type of ease I am attracted to show that in a way I am uncomfortable with? WB and our tumultuous, uncertain friendship. JS now and my questioningContinue reading “more thoughts on romantic attraction”