a video of HJ

I didn’t think much of it in the moment. I’d spent the afternoon reeling in two distinct housing crises as he watched and offered sympathies. We were about to leave; he’d just finished changing. This is the video: it opens up sideways. It fumbles until it’s right side up, trained on HJ, still a little […]

another part of that conversation

Wait so…but…that first movie was platonic, right? Oh, yeah, that was totally platonic. And then what about the second one? Was that platonic? That was absolutely not platonic. Ha! I had no idea. Really? Do you do that with tons of people? I have guy friends, you know. I guess. I was so nervous, you […]

a quick memory, because I know I’ll enjoy this in the future

we’re standing  on the first floor of my dorm; I’m walking him to the door. I’ve stopped on the second to last step of the stairs; we kiss sweetly, the same height thanks to the steps. there’s a slight lull as he’s about to leave and my lips part a little as my eyes smile; […]

there are no more moments alone

and when the time comes I hug first JH and then WB, and he walks behind me and wraps his arms and we prove we are still fluid; he lifts me up and backwards with a huge closed-mouth smile and I squeal, laugh, crinkling my eyes as JH looks on; it’s a pact: somehow both […]

more thoughts on romantic attraction

if I am specifically romantically attracted to ease, does that explain all my past stumbling? I think I require a deliberate show of intentional affection. And does the type of ease I am attracted to show that in a way I am uncomfortable with? WB and our tumultuous, uncertain friendship. JS now and my questioning […]