where have I been?

You’ve been extremely good, a little lonely, content with your friends, feeling alienated from close friends, feeling alienated from fading friends, feeling like a second-class friend, suddenly ready to cut people out, exceedingly comfortable with the people you love, willing to reach out to people you’ve looked over, unsure if this was out of desperation,Continue reading “where have I been?”

02/24/17, 4:17pm

13 reasons why: the author said that he left out modern technology, and had the characters acknowledge the outdatedness of old technology present. I think this instilled in me a need to be timeless; I never wanted to regret something I did. At the same time, a part of me felt the need to beContinue reading “02/24/17, 4:17pm”

I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling

other than that I just hung out with three people, one of which is a friend, and the other two of which are previous ‘co-workers’ who are really quite amazing and sweet, witty and confident and wonderful, and yet I can tell that there’s a distance between us, that I cannot be friends with them.Continue reading “I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling”

4/19/17 10:33am, on my bed in my dorm at college

Loudness is communication. Communication allows for understanding and change. What bothers me about MH, and now HJ is that they are quiet. They do not yell, or protest, or retaliate; they recoil. But this is far, far worse: in their quietness, they are resolute. Their judgements are set, their conclusions wrapped about you and yourContinue reading “4/19/17 10:33am, on my bed in my dorm at college”

05/21/17 8:51am, on the plane from DC to Beijing

It’s the end of a semester and I’m sitting on a thirteen hour flight listening to nostalgia-inducing but not necessarily inherent nostalgic music; rather, it’s music that I listened to while high just about a year ago from now — the end of freshman year, last year — and listening to it now makes meContinue reading “05/21/17 8:51am, on the plane from DC to Beijing”

05/21/17 10:08am, on the plane from DC to Beijing

You’re ending with a shot of your friends outside at twelve-thirty in the morning outside on the quiet green. You were lying down, and they are all laughing so very genuinely that you feel a rush of affection just looking at it, and it is slightly blurred and lopsided so perhaps you were very genuinelyContinue reading “05/21/17 10:08am, on the plane from DC to Beijing”

05/21/17 10:38am, on the plane from DC to Beijing

You think about the goodbyes. You woke up with HJ and checked the time and hollered that He Was Late and chuckled afterward at the memory of him shooting out of bed instantly, pure panic on his radiating face in his bright green shirt. You scrambled to help stuff the sleeping bag, throw out theContinue reading “05/21/17 10:38am, on the plane from DC to Beijing”

03/18/2017 at 12:37pm, iPhone notes

“when I came to college, all I found was more workhorses who are doing what their parents want.” this is a sentiment widely shared by AM and his friends, and I have such a problem with it. is this not a satirically privileged statement to make? first: how can anyone make that judgement on anotherContinue reading “03/18/2017 at 12:37pm, iPhone notes”