where have I been?

You’ve been extremely good, a little lonely, content with your friends, feeling alienated from close friends, feeling alienated from fading friends, feeling like a second-class friend, suddenly ready to cut people out, exceedingly comfortable with the people you love, willing to reach out to people you’ve looked over, unsure if this was out of desperation, […]

post a marxist essay on chinese women

I find that dialogue around the racialized experience in the US is odd in that it completely excludes the relationship with the home country. While I am not Chinese, my parents are. My extended family is. They all exerted pressures and mapped influences onto me during my most impressionable periods of development, and the exclusion […]

8/30/17, 10:33am

I suppose I can’t really be sure whether I’m only home for a short enough time that there’s not enough time for things to blow up or whether I’ve matured enough to preserve my healthy self in a toxic environment. I hope it’s the latter. More likely, it’s a combination of both, possibly skewed towards […]

08/15/17, 8:25am

dream I’m in a helicopter or some sort of flying device with my brother next to me and my father and some other man across from me. We’re strapped in with seatbelts, hunched with the bad posture of awkwardness. We’re chatting uncomfortably. It becomes clear that Dad had been gone a while and we hadn’t […]

05/25/17 6:27pm, on my bed in Beijing, China

I want to love China. I want this culture that is somehow supposed to be mine, which I am supposed to represent — I want to be able to cherish it, to have Asian Pride, to bring it forcefully crashing against whiteness, against assimilation. But here’s a secret. I hate China. I hate the hyper-humble […]

native speaker

a cultural difference in love; a gap that not only cannot be crossed but is mistaken for its antithesis a forcing of an identity: one which I do not want, one which I am born into and out of, one that I will never escape and so: I must embrace it, turn it inside out, […]

Growing Up and Family

Fam left today after a mediocre road trip around my college area. My mother and I had a huge fight after I realized that I regressed every time I talked to her – that’s for another post. The past week consisted of my brother sullenly listening to an audiobook while I dragged my mother all over […]