journal #14, 1/4/17

1/4/17, 2:42pm, sitting in the chair by the screen door in m—-‘s house in s— b—-; WB and JH are in the other room I am honestly so done with JH, I’m not even reflective right now. I am angry. I am not understanding, and I have no desire to continue this friendship. he is *mean* —Continue reading “journal #14, 1/4/17”

On Being Miserable with JKm

I suppose I’m really seriously beginning to question why I’m still in this relationship. Alone on that kayak in the middle of the lake, I came to the conclusion that I must break up with JKm – I just don’t know when or how. I know in my heart that it should be soon. ItContinue reading “On Being Miserable with JKm”

Happy New Year’s, fuckers.

I cracked. I thought I could do it. Hold it in, smile, do as she said, and make it unscathed through this one month, after which I won’t have to see her for a year. I couldn’t. I can’t. Such a stupid trigger. Nothing, really. We egged each other on, and soon enough, the torrentContinue reading “Happy New Year’s, fuckers.”

April College Shit

It’s all being blown up so much and I really can’t handle it – and then the fact that I’m crying over this makes me realize how pathetic and petty this all is, and then my mom tries to cheer me up by talking about growing up during the famine and fighting her way toContinue reading “April College Shit”

IJournals: 34 (7/31)

My day started out fine. I practiced, I talked with friend JW and AW, and I went to lunch and I imitated everyone’s typical positions. I practically fell asleep in class again. My private lesson was ok. She gave me a list of repertoire to work on. It’s really hard stuff, and I can’t believeContinue reading “IJournals: 34 (7/31)”

bummer track meet and jazzy (3/14 – 3/15)

  so yesterday i got to wear my spirit tshirt! i felt super preppy and peppy  haha. but that might have to do with getting up late start……yup. i had a great eating day again, super balanced! I’m gonna start a food journal. i found out i have a B in spanish. it sucks. I’mContinue reading “bummer track meet and jazzy (3/14 – 3/15)”

band festival, deep thoughts and nightmares (3/8 – 3/10)

thursday nothing really happened. 1 was fun with friend PS. 3 was boring. 5 was boring. in track we started a new team warmup, instead of each squad or separate event warm up. it took like an hour to set up, I’m next to no friends, and it doesn’t even warm you up sufficiently. thenContinue reading “band festival, deep thoughts and nightmares (3/8 – 3/10)”