— what? Nothing. It’s just — this must be what it’s like to be broken up with. And this is what it must be like to break up with someone.
But he was selfish to the end, ashamedly selfish. I don’t want to be to you what my father was my mother. I don’t want to know that I could do make someone feel this way. I stopped him. He noticed. Did it matter, I asked. Enough to bother me, he said. I’m thinking aboutContinue reading “07/23/17, 12:08am”
It was quiet, almost gentle; it was guilty and petty and selfish, self-aware and ashamed, confused and full of clarity all at once: “I didn’t want your expectation.” That’s why I cried. I cried for this relationship but also because it hit so hard for all my other relationships. Friends are my family because IContinue reading “07/23/17, 12:05am”
You keep flipping through photos because What The Heck You’re Kind Of Enjoying This. Here is another photo: it is you and MH on the grass outside your dorm. You think about the half-conversation you had the other day: you asked, Did Your View Of Me Change This Year? and she said, I Suppose ItContinue reading “05/21/17 9:53am, on the plane from DC to Beijing”
I play football tomorrow / with only my best friends / people I like, but I don’t love / are not allowed
romantically: people who are remarkable in an above-it-all, chill, easy, intellectual way. I think that’s actually really fucking accurate. an ease, a brain, and, more rationally, a kindness. more generally: people who I perceive to be remarkable in some way; any way really. I think the intellectual and the kindness still apply, and then anContinue reading “a note on what attracts me to people”
I think plenty of people who have an impression on me pass through my life without my writing about it on here. I thought I’d catch one of those in my net today — HJ is an awesome dude who I’ve always wanted to get to know better, and at the beginning on this semester,Continue reading “a note on HJ”
is it better to have your view of your parent as a role model be shattered or is it better to have never had that view in the first place?
AM. The OG homie. The brother. Close to a fault. Simultaneous overdone comfort and borderline conflict. Worried about the roommate situation. YM. International student friend. Click on humor, on interests, and on deep issues. Self-effacing. Genuinely love her company. Possibly a weekly lunch? SF. Complex, interesting, likable, extroverted. I feel insecure in this one, likeContinue reading “A list of friendships I am truly hopeful for”
On a oft-unmentioned note: MS is becoming a stressful nonpart of my life. When summer started, I was so sure that our friendship was solid. I was the last person he said goodbye to before he left; we hugged insanely tight and his dad went Wow, I’ve never seen Max light up around someone likeContinue reading “MS”