a video of HJ

I didn’t think much of it in the moment. I’d spent the afternoon reeling in two distinct housing crises as he watched and offered sympathies. We were about to leave; he’d just finished changing. This is the video: it opens up sideways. It fumbles until it’s right side up, trained on HJ, still a little […]

a quick memory, because I know I’ll enjoy this in the future

we’re standing  on the first floor of my dorm; I’m walking him to the door. I’ve stopped on the second to last step of the stairs; we kiss sweetly, the same height thanks to the steps. there’s a slight lull as he’s about to leave and my lips part a little as my eyes smile; […]

more thoughts on romantic attraction

if I am specifically romantically attracted to ease, does that explain all my past stumbling? I think I require a deliberate show of intentional affection. And does the type of ease I am attracted to show that in a way I am uncomfortable with? WB and our tumultuous, uncertain friendship. JS now and my questioning […]

putting two and two together

and this should absolutely be the last post I make obsessing over this, although it will probably not be. let’s see: I’ve been ignoring the signs because I wanted him to like my personality, and I wanted to believe that someone like him could be interested in someone like me. but really, it’s honestly pretty […]