from a long time ago

But Blue is White Has always been White Will possibly always be White. But really, who dislikes Blue Blue is blueberries sapphire the objectively coolest butterflies To be the default: Navy Blue winters and Blue jeans We the people of Black hair danced to Blue satin sashes: the naturalized ode to Americana Deceptive bliss JustContinue reading “from a long time ago”

03/08/18, 11:33pm: note from about a week ago

EDIT: After noticing that reading my journals seriously affects my state of mind, for the purposes of future me’s mental health, it’s necessary to preclude this with a note: this is NOT healthy. This is NOT ok. Furthermore, this poem is wallowing in self-pity, self-hatred, and is furthermore self-absorbed, and is perhaps even more damagingContinue reading “03/08/18, 11:33pm: note from about a week ago”

02/12/18, 12:21am

I have asked for three days of space, and in the aftermath of the request — an unfussy affair, a quick text and only a few minutes of heart pounding, conceived of and solidified during my evening shower, Nujabes echoing on the tile — a strange combination of blithe, anxious, dreading, and then nothing atContinue reading “02/12/18, 12:21am”

1/29/17, 11:07am, messages from him on mute

You remember, and maybe this is the beginning of the problem: You’d made plans that night. He’d bailed, for a reason. You’d semi-bailed, for a less good reason. You’d tried to meet up with each other, and finally you definitively bailed so that he would not have to leave his friends. Something external changes, youContinue reading “1/29/17, 11:07am, messages from him on mute”

where have I been?

You’ve been extremely good, a little lonely, content with your friends, feeling alienated from close friends, feeling alienated from fading friends, feeling like a second-class friend, suddenly ready to cut people out, exceedingly comfortable with the people you love, willing to reach out to people you’ve looked over, unsure if this was out of desperation,Continue reading “where have I been?”