I find that dialogue around the racialized experience in the US is odd in that it completely excludes the relationship with the home country. While I am not Chinese, my parents are. My extended family is. They all exerted pressures and mapped influences onto me during my most impressionable periods of development, and the exclusionContinue reading “post a marxist essay on chinese women”
I suppose I can’t really be sure whether I’m only home for a short enough time that there’s not enough time for things to blow up or whether I’ve matured enough to preserve my healthy self in a toxic environment. I hope it’s the latter. More likely, it’s a combination of both, possibly skewed towardsContinue reading “8/30/17, 10:33am”
constantly, when with my mother: empathy is a privilege. understanding is a privilege. self-awareness is a privilege.
it’s as if she is a vessel for a stream of mundane problems, as if she never reflects it’s as if there is no thought behind her constant flow of words, no internal life that is untouched by exposure
is it better to have your view of your parent as a role model be shattered or is it better to have never had that view in the first place?
While reading The Portrait of Dorian Gray and simultaneously the El Chapo Rolling Stones interview, and also working through my relationship with my mother with my good friend, some of my philosophies about people have become more clear to me. The plot and the increased mutilation of the portrait is based on the premise that souls canContinue reading “The Flaws of Dorian Gray”
My mother and I have never had a good relationship. I think it mostly stems from our differences, and her lack of ability to understand that others are not like her. Emotions cloud her view, her judgement, and her thoughts. I didn’t cook dinner before she got home? It means I don’t love her. Never mindContinue reading “My Mother”
I cracked. I thought I could do it. Hold it in, smile, do as she said, and make it unscathed through this one month, after which I won’t have to see her for a year. I couldn’t. I can’t. Such a stupid trigger. Nothing, really. We egged each other on, and soon enough, the torrentContinue reading “Happy New Year’s, fuckers.”
So, don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but my Dad’s been planning on leaving and fulfilling his dream of traveling the world and visiting his family, whom he has seen for years. This, I am all for. I am stoked for him. I can’t wait. But before he leaves, we’ve been dealing with the awkwardContinue reading “Wills and shit”
My mother. Let’s talk. She is irrational. She lets her feeling and emotions lead her judgements and actions. She is so overwhelmed with feelings that she fails to incorporate even a small portion of reason into her mind. She feels that she is perfect. She feels that everything ‘going wrong’ in her life is dueContinue reading “Fuck.”