dream I’m in a helicopter or some sort of flying device with my brother next to me and my father and some other man across from me. We’re strapped in with seatbelts, hunched with the bad posture of awkwardness. We’re chatting uncomfortably. It becomes clear that Dad had been gone a while and we hadn’tContinue reading “08/15/17, 8:25am”
you have made progress! this progress is painful, but it is progress. you can not deny what you felt. you could not keep going that way. that was not an undesirable path, it was an impossible path. you could not keep going that way. you can not change what he can give. this is progress.Continue reading “07/25/17, 2:48am”
my will wasn’t broken my will is what drives me to the breaking point why would it give up now? I should know.
This hurts because I feel there’s still more here. It’s not like the others — where I tried until there was nothing left. Here, I tried until I broke. Remember: you broke. It broke you. No gold is worth that. Get your past tense together, you.
Excuse me, but I do believe we have met before. There is simply something about the way you walk, talk, move with your shoulders thrust back when you step and your neck crooked forward when you focus. Your curls are ever so slightly flattened on the side you slept on this morning, though sometimes itContinue reading “07/23/17, 10:50pm”
Sprung from your forgotten dreams, it came in the morning, followed you from crooked bed to quick turn of the doorknob, the eyes turned to the cool grain away from the soft groan of his consciousness. It trickled and pooled against the pads of your toes, weighted your skin to acquiescing gel into well-worn grooves.Continue reading “07/23/17, 11:31am”
An ode to the handshake that will never happen: Some shimmy and slap and clap and twist. Our friendship, it was never so ebullient. Instead, we slyly felt for the wenis — the wenis! imagine that! — and clasped pinkies; we giggled the closed-mouthed smirks of comrades on a makeshift raft of logs we’d gathered,Continue reading “07/23/17, 1:13am”
I have realized that I pull away from people, and yet I’m not sure how I got there. Most recently, I have a feeling that is has to do with a normalization of how AM and MH treat me. AM, with his tendency to befriend all my friends and then insist on private time spentContinue reading “07/22/17, 12:34pm”
A girl screams on 9th Ave by The Strand that she didn’t cheat, she didn’t, why would he say that? A girl follows a man pulling a suitcase into the intersection at 11th and 1st, whispering, don’t leave, don’t leave. A girl goes to a screening and watches a movie alone: one movie, two movies,Continue reading “07/21/17, 11:30pm”
In a way, this city is the best one to struggle in. There’s some sort of connection in the sidewalks, in the brownstone: it’s artists and immigrants and lost, normal people praying their sorrows, immortalization of the exhalation, etched into the blearing lights. We join the collective portrait. No sadness is too small. Your lonelinessContinue reading “07/21/17, 11:28pm”