it’s been a while since I’ve been truly bothered

but here I am! MH and I have been weird this semester — shifting friend groups and different schedules, maybe. But also silence that is more deliberate omission than secret.  Experiences matter to me, and otherwise there must be words. We have neither, really, although we do have the odd gesture of care — ButContinue reading “it’s been a while since I’ve been truly bothered”

On Being Miserable with JKm

I suppose I’m really seriously beginning to question why I’m still in this relationship. Alone on that kayak in the middle of the lake, I came to the conclusion that I must break up with JKm – I just don’t know when or how. I know in my heart that it should be soon. ItContinue reading “On Being Miserable with JKm”

Confronting JKm 2.0

My relationship has been on my mind lately, especially as, with the time apart, I’ve had time to reflect on how we truly are and where we’re going. I’ve realized that I enjoy being with him while I’m with him, but when we part, I realize how wholly unsatisfied I am with our often superficialContinue reading “Confronting JKm 2.0”

JKm is Probably Temporary

I’ve basically been see-sawing between being practical and reasonable (JKm is an amazing boyfriend, he cares about you, you’d be an idiot to break up with up), and being idealistic and pursuing what I ‘feel’ is right. Because no matter what I tell myself, JKm is vastly different from me in vital ways – heContinue reading “JKm is Probably Temporary”

Other Relationship Things

I sometimes wonder if it’s normal to constantly ask myself if I should break up with JKm. I just have this nagging suspicion that he’s not the one, and that I should get on and find the one. And yet. Part of what’s holding me is that I’ve seen other guys, and I know otherContinue reading “Other Relationship Things”

Dream

God – a horrible dream that speaks to my friendship issues right now. I’m visiting PD at her college. I say some offensive, like being surprised that she’s a legacy to the school (she’s not actually in real life, but she was in this dream), and somehow implying that that was why she’d gotten in.Continue reading “Dream”

Doubts about JKm

Valentine’s Day dinner was…uneventful. We sat, we ate. The thing that worries me is that I’ve realized I have trouble finding things to talk about with JKm. Not that we have nothing in common, but we don’t seem to talk about the same things. We don’t think the same way. He avoids any and allContinue reading “Doubts about JKm”