02/12/18, 12:21am

I have asked for three days of space, and in the aftermath of the request — an unfussy affair, a quick text and only a few minutes of heart pounding, conceived of and solidified during my evening shower, Nujabes echoing on the tile — a strange combination of blithe, anxious, dreading, and then nothing atContinue reading “02/12/18, 12:21am”

02/24/17, 4:17pm

13 reasons why: the author said that he left out modern technology, and had the characters acknowledge the outdatedness of old technology present. I think this instilled in me a need to be timeless; I never wanted to regret something I did. At the same time, a part of me felt the need to beContinue reading “02/24/17, 4:17pm”

06/23/17, 1:10pm

Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga — these women have *won*. They are so crazy, so odd, that no one can sexualize them but themselves. “What are you wearing?” is always the female celebrity trap, and so Lady Gaga wears meat dresses and bubble dresses and makes the whole thing so insanely performative that there is noContinue reading “06/23/17, 1:10pm”

06/22/17, 9:36pm

A podcast I listened to earlier today made the hypothesis that pop music is inextricably linked to youth, and particarly the teenage youth: the definitions arose at the same time; perhaps they in fact defined each other, whittling the two into a homogeny of whirling concept to be ridiculed, looked at wistfully, pandered after andContinue reading “06/22/17, 9:36pm”

being alone in ny

I almost started this journal off with the phrase, “for the first time in a long time…” — but I realize that’s not quite right. This has been a somewhat gradual process, an accumulation of being with HJ and living in China with not much to do and now being in New York, the cityContinue reading “being alone in ny”

05/30/17, 10:37am, sitting on my bed in Beijing, in the middle of reading Calvino’s Invisible Cities

It has come to my attention that I have in the past devoted significant amounts of time towards gaining a single adjective attached to my being, like being well-read, or being carefree, or being obliviously attractive. I’m not proud of it, but I’m also not yet sure whether I should be ashamed of it.